The Brave & The Bold

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[Today, Batman is joined by the Yearman.]

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And now, for your feature presentation...

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The scene, finally, opened up on a stone balcony over looking an enormous crowd. It seemed to be the kind of balcony one would use to deliver an important message to a populace, but, leaning over the stone railing erected (hehe erect) around the perimeter of the balcony with his back turned to the camera, his right foot raised up in a manner not dissimilar to a swan and his elbows gently resting on the railing's top, was the a debuting talent to the Action Wrestling League franchise.

Below were hordes of people, rushing to get their tickets for the first show of the Action Wrestling League Family Reunion Tour in Madison Square Garden. Pushing and shoving weren't uncommon as people grew restless from being on lines over night, surrounding every side of the ticket booths. It was quite a sight...

Finally, the figure turned, his chin-length blonde hair bellowing from the momentum of the swift spin. Upon getting view of his smirking face, it was easy to decipher his model-esque, supercilious face from his previous installment. Black earrings were plugged in his ear lobes and his shoulders were covered by a long black trench coat over a skin-tight royal blue t-shirt. Dog collars dangling from his neck, the lad flicked a tuft of hair from his eye as he tilted his head and expressed jovial delight -- though, that may just be his normal demeanor.

Ripplemagne:
"Ah, we are in for yet another installment of the grandeur Ripplemagne's wondrous segments filled with... uh... words and stuff?

Excellent, because there were quite a few things that the Ripplemagne didn't get around to in his last vignette. This has, as you can imagine, flustered the Ripplemagne. And for you asinine wads at the office who can't get it right, it's pronounced RIPP-LEH-MAYN. R-I-P-P-L-E-M-A-G-N-E. Got it memorized?

...Sorry. Axel moment.

Anyway, I regret to inform you -- my loyal and astute viewers, who probably already noticed -- that the lovely Izabel will not be joining us for this edition of uh... Ripplemagne's segments."

Reaching into the rather large cargo pocket embedded on his trench coat, Ripplemagne pulls out a remote and clicks a button as a chorus of "aw" fills the camera's sound sensors. Obviously, he, manually, made those noises with prerecorded MIDIs...

Ripplemagne:
"Yes, yes. No loving for the Ripplemagne tonight. Not from her, at least. Oh-ho! Zing!

However, the Ripplemagne does have a special treat for his viewers as the Ripplemagne will be joined by... 'The Man of the Year', Chris Cage."

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[Current Track: "No More Words" by Endeverafter]

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With the sound of his music filling the area, Chris Cage rolling his shoulders in an energetic posture. Approaching Ripplemagne with a stoic look, Chris Cage stands contentious as to not offer his hand to the host of the segment as Ripplemagne bows like an upright gentlemen to Chris Cage, who scratches his head and shrugs...

The music fades as the two nod to each other, Chris Cage pacing around with a hyped up feeling in his bones.

Ripplemagne:
"So, y--"

Chris Cage:
"Lets cut right to the chase and not beat around the bush like we saw in your last promo'. One of the main reasons I accepted the invitation to make a cameo here was so that I could, specifically, confront you."

Ripplemagne:
"Then, what, pray te--"

Chris Cage:
"I wasn't finished yet."

You could cut the tension with a knife as Chris Cage kind of snarls, flaring his nose as Ripplemagne's eyebrows raise with a shocked smile on his face. It was as though his facial expression was saying 'o rly'?

Chris Cage:
"You made a rather disparaging remark about Canada in your last promo' and I wanted to see if you had the balls to say it to my face."

After a long pause, Ripplemagne smirked and braced himself as he stared directly into the eyes of Chris Cage...

Ripplemagne:
"Man of the Year, huh? Maybe the Canadian of the year. You're at least more combative than the entire Canadian Army. Whom I have nothing against, by the way. He's a really nice guy.

So, from what I understand here, I'm receiving a challenge from some Canadian needle dick with a weird first name?"

Chris Cage:
"Isn't your first na--"

Ripplemagne:
"A minor technicality! Canadians fail. Always. No matter what.

Seriously.

I mean it.

Canada sucks."

The blood seemed to boil in the veins of Chris Cage as he clenched his fists and threw his hat off. Tearing his shirt off, a bunch of stage hands had to get between Ripplemagne, who was taunting and mocking Chris Cage with hand gestures and kissy faces, and Chris Cage, who was ready to charge Ripplemagne and throw him off the balcony.

It took a few seconds, but they finally restrained Chris Cage and the producer came over to speak with him...

Producer:
"Listen, Chris, you got all that freaking money you demanded to be here, today. So, get out of your normally depressed and psychotic state... and give us some retro Chris Cage for the camera, alright?"

Chris Cage:
"You owe me."

With a grumble, Chris Cage stepped forward as all of the stage hands moved off camera. Approaching the smirking, almost mocking Ripplemagne, Chris Cage went from a stoic face to a forced smile as he turned to the camera...

Ripplemagne:
"So, it turns out that I, the magnificent Ripplemagne, will be pit against a legend in this business for the first round of some weirdo competition of which the details have eluded me."

Chris Cage:
"Tch. A legend? I sure as Hell wouldn't call him that."

Ripplemagne:
"Oh, but the Ripplemagne, most certainly, would. For you see, this will be a spectacle to behold... the greatest match ever conceived by mankind..."

Chris Cage:
"Hey! That's my gimmick!"

Ripplemagne:
"The epic win of it will transcend to the deepest trenches of the ocean, to the vastest planets in our universe. Ah, the glory that is two red carpet worthy competitors squaring off in the ring..."

Chris Cage:
"Red carpet worthy? Hey, Oscar, this isn't a fucking movie."

Ripplemagne:
"Ah, but your feature presentation will be facing a movie star with prowess in the ring. For it will be the majesty of the Ripplemagne and Johnny Cage!"

Chris Cage:
"...Who?"

Ripplemagne:
"You know, he does that Shadow Kick. Throws on the sunglasses when he wins a match."

Chris Cage:
"Um... Ripplemagne."

Ripplemagne:
"What is it?! You're disturbing my chi with your negative chi!"

Chris Cage:
"You're not fighting Johnny Cage. You're not even fighting Onikage. You're fighting Enigma, you dumb fucking American..."

Ripplemagne:
"...Aw. So, I got this Johnny Cage action figure for nothing?"

With a haughty grin, he raises an old school Johnny Cage action figure up and puts a pair of sunglasses on himself. Then he shrugs and throws the action figure off frame.

Ripplemagne:
"Well, this is very disconcerning. I need a moment to think about this."

Chris Cage:
"I don't have a moment!"

Ripplemagne:
"Moment's over. Anyway, so what did you say his name was?"

Chris Cage:
"Enigma."

Ripplemagne:
"E-what-a?!"

Chris Cage:
"Nig!"

There was a brief pause as Ripplemagne crossed his arms with a smirk on his face. Chris Cage didn't get it at first, but then he realized what he had just said and covered his mouth with a bit of a squeal.

Ripplemagne:
"Such a dirty tongue. It's not nice to call people names even if they are silly enough to compete in a match with the majestic, enigmatic Ripplemagne."

Chris Cage:
"What? What? You just said it! See! You just said it!"

Ripplemagne:
"I don't know what you're talking about."

Chris Cage:
"You said enigmatic! You said nig!"

Ripplemagne:
"More of this dubious profanity on my show! You're going to get the F.C.C. called on us!"

Chris Cage:
"But! But! You said it too!"

Ripplemagne:
"I said no such thing, ya' potty mouthed racist."

Chris Cage:
"You! You suck!"

Chris Cage screamed at Ripplemagne, pointing frantically, as Ripplemagne stood with his arms crossed.

Ripplemagne:
"Regretfully, I do not. But I am fairly good at video games."

Chris Cage:
"Tch... you don't even know what good is."

Ripplemagne:
"Hm-hm. Don't you know, lad? Anything you can do, I can do better. I can do anything better than you."

Chris Cage:
"No, you can't!"

Ripplemagne:
"Yes, I can."

Chris Cage:
"No, you can't!"

Ripplemagne:
"Yes, I can."

Chris Cage:
"No, you can't!"

Ripplemagne:
"Yes, I can."

Chris Cage:
"I can do a handstand single armed while shooting a bow with my feet, while setting the arrow ablaze and hit a bullseye."

Ripplemagne:
"I once made popcorn on my stove, blindfolded with one hand tied behind my back while juggling on a unicycle."

Chris Cage:
"Yeah... well, I, once, performed open heart surgery while riding a dolphin and doing jumping jacks with three ton weights strapped to my shoulders."

Ripplemagne:
"I withstood Rurik Krychek's breath for longer than 5 seconds the other day.."

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Chris Cage:
"Touche."

Ripplemagne:
"I already told you. Anything you can do, I can do better. I can do anything better than you."

Chris Cage:
"No, you can't!"

Ripplemagne:
"Yes, I can. It's because you're Canadian."

Chris Cage seemed to lose his cool for a second as Ripplemagne taunted him some more. Trying to regain his composure, Chris Cage began to breathe heavy and then turned to Ripplemagne.

Ripplemagne:
"See, I'm from New Yawk. Where, coincidentally, the Ripplemagne will debeauty against this e-nig. Canadia is just... igloos and such."

Chris Cage:
"You're lucky that I'm tied down with Full Intensity Wrestling or you and I would have to do a dance in the ring, tha--"

Ripplemagne:
"Oh, you definitely can't touch me in dancing. See, I do ballroo--"

Chris Cage:
"I meant I would beat the shit out of you and then pin you for a three count!"

Ripplemagne:
"Oh. Well, why didn't you say so? In that case, I would like to say this: Ha!"

Chris Cage:
"You know, you've got an awfully big mouth for someone who hasn't even had their first match yet. I can't wait to see Enigma chew you up and spit you out."

Ripplemagne:
"Well, that, certainly, doesn't sound very pleasant, but I do believe that the Ripplemagne causes indigestion."

Chris Cage:
"Digest my foot up your ass!"

Ripplemagne:
"Mm... that sounds rather kind of kinky. Too bad Canadia is filled with decent wimmenz and men with erectile dysfunctions who can't capitalize on that."

Chris Cage:
"That's it!"

And with that, Chris Cage went ballistic, kicking over speakers and breaking shit as Ripplemagne stepped out of frame, the stage hands trying to restrain Chris Cage, who pummeled them as soon as they touched him. As sparks flew around from Chris Cage breaking things, there was definitely a panic.

Finally, Ripplemagne stepped back in front of the camera and turned to Chris Cage...

Ripplemagne:
"You're paying for that, by the way."

Chris Cage:
"...FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU--"

And with that, the scene cut...

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