Trains, Planes & Automobiles
* * *
Ripplemagne:
"Dave Richmond ain't got nothin' on this. Un-defeat-ed. Oh, and the White Mage will totally kick the Black Mage's ass. Fact!"
* * *
And now, for your feature presentation...
* * *
Ripplemagne:
"It's ingenious though!"
We open up in a rather mundane studio. The background is a long red curtain, stretching across that entire panel, but our view is diagonal, so we see the curtain and the thin, pink wall forming the wedge behind the magnificent Ripplemagne and his manager, Miss Sarah. For the first time on Your Feature Presentation, Ripplemagne is wearing championship gold over his shoulder...
Ripplemagne:
"Did you know that the French name for the King of Hearts card is Charles after Charlemagne?"
Miss Sarah:
"Dandy. But can you please stop ignoring the question!?"
Ripplemagne:
"And you know, now, that the Ripplemagne actually has his belt, he demands his reward again because this time, he wants to do it while wearing it around his wais--"
Miss Sarah:
"Look! The Trailer is crowded as is. You brought all of these new people on board and, now, we have to provide accommodations for two more? And one of them is big enough to be considered three!"
Ripplemagne:
"Did you know Maria Giordano is coming back? I saw her before the baby and she looked just... just... well... uh... knocked up."
Miss Sarah:
"I'm serious! We only have two bed rooms and Andy is already sleeping on the sofa. You know he's going to want his old room back and if I have to hear that high pitched, Meatwad-like cry from him, I'm going to choke him."
Ripplemagne:
"I have a good feeling about this Entrée ex Machina. Sure, he's fat, ugly and his wife has the hots for me, but he beat Brookeback Mountain. That's something, right?"
Miss Sarah:
"Ripplemagne! This is serious. There are too many people in the trailer! I feel like a Mormon! Oh! I mean... uh... Mage, can you edit that out?"
Ripplemagne:
"Nope! That's definitely going in."
Miss Sarah:
"Oh, sure. Now, you listen to me..."
Ripplemagne:
"Don't you worry your pretty little head. The Ripplemagne has a solution to this dilemma! All wimmenz share a room with the Patriarch of Pretty and the other three can circle jerk it in the other room."
Miss Sarah:
"Absolutely not! I'm not sharing yo-- er... my room with the other girls!"
Ripplemagne:
"What was that? You sneeze or something, bonny?"
Miss Sarah:
"Um... yes. It was a sneeze."
Ripplemagne:
"Thought so. Looked like a little bit of jelly flew out of your mouth. Anyway, the Ripplemagne is not sharing with anyone who has anything dangling between their legs. It's not kosher."
Miss Sarah:
"How abou--"
Before anything else could be said, the aforementioned wall is broken through as a huge, lumbering figure jumps forward, dressed as the Kool Aid mascot with a Shockmaster helmet on. It's clear by the frame that it's none other than the other half of the tag team champions, Napalm.
Napalm:
"Oh yeah!"
Ripplemagne:
"Fool! Wrong summer fresh, sippy beverage!"
* * *
Ripplemagne:
"Dave Richmond ain't got nothin' on this. Un-defeat-ed. Oh, and the White Mage will totally kick the Black Mage's ass. Fact!"
* * *
And now, for your feature presentation...
* * *
Ripplemagne:
"It's ingenious though!"
We open up in a rather mundane studio. The background is a long red curtain, stretching across that entire panel, but our view is diagonal, so we see the curtain and the thin, pink wall forming the wedge behind the magnificent Ripplemagne and his manager, Miss Sarah. For the first time on Your Feature Presentation, Ripplemagne is wearing championship gold over his shoulder...
Ripplemagne:
"Did you know that the French name for the King of Hearts card is Charles after Charlemagne?"
Miss Sarah:
"Dandy. But can you please stop ignoring the question!?"
Ripplemagne:
"And you know, now, that the Ripplemagne actually has his belt, he demands his reward again because this time, he wants to do it while wearing it around his wais--"
Miss Sarah:
"Look! The Trailer is crowded as is. You brought all of these new people on board and, now, we have to provide accommodations for two more? And one of them is big enough to be considered three!"
Ripplemagne:
"Did you know Maria Giordano is coming back? I saw her before the baby and she looked just... just... well... uh... knocked up."
Miss Sarah:
"I'm serious! We only have two bed rooms and Andy is already sleeping on the sofa. You know he's going to want his old room back and if I have to hear that high pitched, Meatwad-like cry from him, I'm going to choke him."
Ripplemagne:
"I have a good feeling about this Entrée ex Machina. Sure, he's fat, ugly and his wife has the hots for me, but he beat Brookeback Mountain. That's something, right?"
Miss Sarah:
"Ripplemagne! This is serious. There are too many people in the trailer! I feel like a Mormon! Oh! I mean... uh... Mage, can you edit that out?"
Ripplemagne:
"Nope! That's definitely going in."
Miss Sarah:
"Oh, sure. Now, you listen to me..."
Ripplemagne:
"Don't you worry your pretty little head. The Ripplemagne has a solution to this dilemma! All wimmenz share a room with the Patriarch of Pretty and the other three can circle jerk it in the other room."
Miss Sarah:
"Absolutely not! I'm not sharing yo-- er... my room with the other girls!"
Ripplemagne:
"What was that? You sneeze or something, bonny?"
Miss Sarah:
"Um... yes. It was a sneeze."
Ripplemagne:
"Thought so. Looked like a little bit of jelly flew out of your mouth. Anyway, the Ripplemagne is not sharing with anyone who has anything dangling between their legs. It's not kosher."
Miss Sarah:
"How abou--"
Before anything else could be said, the aforementioned wall is broken through as a huge, lumbering figure jumps forward, dressed as the Kool Aid mascot with a Shockmaster helmet on. It's clear by the frame that it's none other than the other half of the tag team champions, Napalm.
Napalm:
"Oh yeah!"
Ripplemagne:
"Fool! Wrong summer fresh, sippy beverage!"
* * *
