Night of the Living Stay Puft Marshmellow Man
* * *
Fact of the Day
180 degrees is a full rotation.
360 degrees is two full rotations.
540 degrees is three full rotations.
720 degrees is four full rotations.
This is why skateboarders cannot perform a 450 degree spin on a half pipe. If they did, they would land on the long side of their board; ergo, their wheels would not be able to continue rolling.
90 degrees is half of a rotation.
270 degrees is a full rotation and a half.
450 degrees is two and a half full rotations.
630 degrees is three and a half full rotations.
This is why a 630 splash and a 450 senton are impossible to perform for a wrestling superstar. There is no feasible way to spin 450 degrees and land on your back; likewise with 630 degrees and landing on your belly.
* * *
KA... ME... HA... ME... HA!
The charming yet bombastic voice of Ripplemagne roars into the audio as we hear the addition of a laser beam to follow his voice. There is a mild Italian New Yorker accent to his voice, evidenced by the lazy tongue. Much like his brethren in his home state of the Big Apple, he'd drop certain sounds and letters entirely.
However, his voice was upright and suave when he spoke seriously. It was soft and charming; the voice you'd use if you were to try and get an elephant to lie on its back. Because of this, Miss Sarah had a tendency to compare him to Tuxedo Mask from Sailor Moon. At least, that's what she believed he sounded like.
But as we all know Ripplemagne by now, after 23 episodes, the genitalia of professional wrestling is rarely serious. That's when we get the higher pitched, multi-toned, voice-modifying comedian whose facial expressions and body demeanor amplify his stage presence with electric charisma.
Light dawns on our empty screen as the sound of birds twittering one another, looking for some hot hoo ha for the night and automobiles polluting the atmosphere -- slowly killing us all -- as everyone is on their way to school and/or work.
It seems that we're in a park of some sort as a few people can be seen sitting on blankets in the distance, having picnics. The overheads trees rustle against the winds growing in the autumn cooling. The billowing grass rattles against the mismatched sneakers of the focus of our shot.
Clad in a pair of black UFO pants and a white tank top, we can see the sun gleam on the thin layer of sweat coating the rippled body of the Patriarch of Pretty. The petite youngster's sculpted frame is thrusted forward with his wrists touching together and smoking pouring from his finger tips. The wind drags along the white smoke as he inhales; each movement swaying his wavy champagne locks around his chiseled jaw line.
The quirky lad's brown eye lashes flicker up to reveal his glimmering blue-green eyes. Taking a deep breath, Ripplemagne rears his hands back, separating them from the issuing smoke that began to cloud and drag from his finger tips. Winding them back to his side, he arches his fingers toward one another like he's holding a ball to his hip.
Ripplemagne:
"KA... ME... HA--"
Miss Sarah:
"What are you doing?"
The soft, feminine Australian accent fills the King of Heart's ears as he pauses and turns to see his lovely manager, Miss Sarah. The stern toned girl approaches in a blue and white sun dress, reminiscent of Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz. Arching himself up, Ripplemagne turns fully to the girl and thrusts his chin into the air at an angle to make a heroic pose, but the sun glares in his eyes, so he turns to the other side.
Ripplemagne:
"Practicing my kamehameha waves."
Miss Sarah:
"Mmkay. Why?"
Easing out of his pose, Ripplemagne looks over at his manager...
Ripplemagne:
"See, there's this new guy that just signed up with Jew and, like... his application says he can totally throw fireballs, man! Fireballs!"
Miss Sarah:
"Fireballs?"
Ripplemagne:
"They're round orbs of flaming death that can--"
Miss Sarah:
"I know what fireballs are! Are you sure that you didn't misread it like you did with the Lucky Charms box?"
Ripplemagne:
"How was I supposed to know that the 'secret agent glasses' wouldn't really help me get into government offices unnoticed. They should really put a disclaimer on those things!"
Looking from side to side, Ripplemagne fakes a cough and continues...
Ripplemagne:
"Anyway, it's as clear as day. If I'm going to combat that, I'm going to need to perfect my kamehameha waves!"
Miss Sarah:
"Uh... sure thing. Whatever you say. But CJ is looking for you in the trailer."
Ripplemagne:
"I'm not talking to him! He stole my crayons!"
Miss Sarah:
"Now, now, Ripplemagne. You have to share."
Ripplemagne:
"I don't wanna!"
Miss Sarah:
"Would you do it for a Scooby Snack?"
Ripplemagne:
"Scooby Snack?!"
Feigning a long, drawn out pondering, Ripplemagne finally nods his head with a bit of eagerness. At this sight, Miss Sarah sighs and digs into the pocket of her sun dress and pulls out a Micky Mouse shaped cookie of sorts and tosses it to Ripplemagne, who catches it in his mouth and scarfs it down like an Auschwitz Detention Camp captive.
...Was that in bad taste? Apologies to those who are offended.
Anyway, one thing that's not in bad taste is clearly the Scooby Snack as Ripplemagne holds his stomach and we hear a series of "mm" sounds from him as he vivaciously shows his delight for the snack and blasts off into the sky like a rocket before merrily floating down like a piece of paper into the arms of some guy with ash blonde hair, a beard, a green shirt and brown pants.
With a look of delight on his face, Ripplemagne finally opens his eyes to see the guy holding him. Jumping out of his arms, Ripplemagne begins to yell at the guy, kicking him in the back side until he's out of focus...
Ripplemagne:
"Who the Hell are you?! Get off of my set, ya crusty hobo!"
In the background we see Miss Sarah shaking her head with her face in her palm as Ripplemagne gallantly strides off, skipping to the trailer. Pulling one of the doors open, Ripplemagne steps through a series of rooms as our camera follows him into the MxM+ "Movie" Trailer.
Finally, we hear a high pitched pre-pubescent voice from the side as Ripplemagne turns to see a small child with mid-length brown hair and delicate features.
CJ Davenport:
"We need to talk. We have a problem."
Ripplemagne:
"Damn it all! Are we out of toilet paper again?! How much toilet paper does that fat bastard need? How is the Ripplemagne supposed to keep his magnificent hiney fresh if that sasquatch keeps hogging all of the fluff stuff?!"
CJ Davenport:
"That's not the problem. Well, it is... but that's not why I need to talk to you."
From the bathroom, we hear Napalm screaming almost bloody murder...
Napalm:
"CJ! You find me some toilet paper yet?!"
CJ Davenport:
"I just hid all the toilet paper before he went in there. I needed to make sure he would be in there a while, so I could talk to you."
Ripplemagne:
"You hitting on me or something? For the last time, the Ripplemagne is not a pedophile! Gawsh!"
CJ Davenport:
"Er.. no. Toby is afraid of clowns."
Ripplemagne:
"Hm... how 'bout mimes?"
CJ Davenport:
"No. Not mimes."
Ripplemagne:
"Yahtzee. Problem solved. All we do is tell Grand Canyon crack that the Jokers Wild are mimes. Bad mimes. Horrendous mimes. Like... so bad that even that kid from that Suite Life of Zack and Cody show that you watch would tell them to can it."
CJ Davenport:
"Not gonna work. He already knows, but I have a plan."
Ripplemagne:
"We will not sacrifice Ronald McDonald on the trailer! Last time we had a sacrifice on the trailer, it took weeks to get the white face paint out of the carpet!"
CJ Davenport:
"No! We convince Toby that he is a zombie!"
Ripplemagne:
"A zombie?"
CJ Davenport:
"Duh! Zombies are immune to clown powers."
Ripplemagne:
"I was not aware of this. Mayhap the Ripplemagne should consult with these Dead Nations. By their name, I can only guess that they have some kind of zombie affiliation. Hey! Do you think they boogey to Thriller? I bet they can get busy with some mean zombie dancin'!"
CJ Davenport:
"You need to pay attention more on the playground."
Ripplemagne:
"The Ripplemagne is too busy cruisin' on his shiny big wheel. The wimmenz fiend for the Ripplemagne when he's on his hydraulic tricycle. One of them even gave me her juice pouch!"
As Ripplemagne seems to get too excited about that juice pouch, CJ just kind of stares at him as he straightens out and puts his mature face on...
Ripplemagne:
"Once he's a zombie, will he try to eat me?"
CJ Davenport:
"Maybe. But that was always a possibility."
The scene cuts out with the two brain storming together. What a scary sight it is to see CJ Davenport and Ripplemagne combining their thinkers...
* * *
It's clear that some time has passed as the feed reopens to the bathroom door of the MxM "Movie" Trailer. Behind the door, we can hear a toilet flush and the sink going on. A short few seconds later, the door knob begins to twist as it rocks back to reveal the other half of the GEW World Tag Team Champions, Napalm. There's a look of relief on his face and water dripping from his hands as he takes a step toward the camera.
In that instant, we see Ripplemagne leap into the scene, wearing white face paint with a red nose, red lips and a red afro wig. Leaping up in the air and side to side, Ripplemagne begins to scream...
Ripplemagne:
"Agablagablagablaga boo!"
The fat covered face of Napalm opens up with fear beyond comprehension as he jumps into the air, causing a miniature Earthquake on the trailer when he lands. With his lip quivering and his eyes wide open, his knees come together as he screams and tries to get away from the clown Ripplemagne.
Struggling to get away, his enormous frame begins to knock everything in the bathroom over as he leaps and splats into the bath tub fat first. During this entire ordeal, we hear Ripplemagne cracking up laughing as he walks into the bathroom after Napalm.
Ripplemagne:
"Ahahahahaha! You fat bastard! You really are afraid of clowns!"
Still with a panicked look on his face, Napalm sticks his head out from the bathtub...
Napalm:
"How did you know that?!"
Ripplemagne:
"The Lilliputian told me. Fortunately for you, I have a solution to this little dilemma..."
Napalm:
"Y-You do?"
Ripplemagne:
"Of course. Come with the Ripplemagne."
* * *
Ripplemagne:
"It's alive! It's alive!"
Once again, we reopen, but this time... Napalm is laying on a table top in a white singlet with his entire body covered in white paint. The scene is specifically decorated to look like the laboratory of Dr. Frankenstein. There's a distraught look on his face as Karla Love and Valeah finish adding the last layer of paint and powder to his body.
We, now, see Ripplemagne dressed as Dr. Frankenstein while he looks over to see Napalm sigh...
Napalm:
"I don't get it. How is this going to make me not afraid of clowns?"
Ripplemagne:
"You are, of course, aware that zombies are immune to clowns or something, right? Well, dead people have no complexion, so we need to make sure that you are as white as possible."
Napalm:
"But how is dressing like a zombie going to make me a zombie?"
Ripplemagne:
"It's October. We all know that if you dress up as something in October, you become said creature. Something about this girl named Hollow Eve and the full moon. Anyway, if we dress you up as a zombie and give you the special tassel of uh... death... uh... corpse... zombie... necro...philia? Yes! The Special Tassel of Necrophilia, whatever your Halloween costume is makes you become said creature."
Napalm:
"But you didn't give me any tassel."
Ripplemagne:
"Patience! Unlock him."
Giggling to themselves, Valeah and Karla Love unstrap Napalm and let him stand up. Stepping off screen, Ripplemagne returns with a blue cloth of some sort and places it over Napalm's head down to his shoulders. It seems to be a blue bib with a white outline and a red ribbon.
To top it off, Ripplemagne places a blue and white sailor's hat on Napalm and grins to himself. It's evident, at this point, that Ripplemagne had no intention of dressing Napalm up like a zombie, but rather... the Stay Puft Marshmellow Man.
Ripplemagne:
"There. Now, you're a zombie."
Napalm:
"Really?"
Ripplemagne:
"Yep. Now, go sit on the Tang and make him your first victim."
Napalm:
"Okay!"
As Napalm stumbles off stage, thinking he's a zombie, we see Ripplemagne cross his arms with a devious grin. In the background, we can hear them...
The Tang:
"Oh, hey, Toby. What's goi-- Agh! What are you do-- My eye! My eye! My fucking eye!"
Napalm:
"NOM. NOM. NOM."
We see Ripplemagne snicker to himself as he listens to the carnage unfolding; things breaking, falling, getting thrown around... The Tang getting attacked. Life was good.
Ripplemagne:
"Ah. I love being me."
* * *
Fact of the Day
180 degrees is a full rotation.
360 degrees is two full rotations.
540 degrees is three full rotations.
720 degrees is four full rotations.
This is why skateboarders cannot perform a 450 degree spin on a half pipe. If they did, they would land on the long side of their board; ergo, their wheels would not be able to continue rolling.
90 degrees is half of a rotation.
270 degrees is a full rotation and a half.
450 degrees is two and a half full rotations.
630 degrees is three and a half full rotations.
This is why a 630 splash and a 450 senton are impossible to perform for a wrestling superstar. There is no feasible way to spin 450 degrees and land on your back; likewise with 630 degrees and landing on your belly.
* * *
KA... ME... HA... ME... HA!
The charming yet bombastic voice of Ripplemagne roars into the audio as we hear the addition of a laser beam to follow his voice. There is a mild Italian New Yorker accent to his voice, evidenced by the lazy tongue. Much like his brethren in his home state of the Big Apple, he'd drop certain sounds and letters entirely.
However, his voice was upright and suave when he spoke seriously. It was soft and charming; the voice you'd use if you were to try and get an elephant to lie on its back. Because of this, Miss Sarah had a tendency to compare him to Tuxedo Mask from Sailor Moon. At least, that's what she believed he sounded like.
But as we all know Ripplemagne by now, after 23 episodes, the genitalia of professional wrestling is rarely serious. That's when we get the higher pitched, multi-toned, voice-modifying comedian whose facial expressions and body demeanor amplify his stage presence with electric charisma.
Light dawns on our empty screen as the sound of birds twittering one another, looking for some hot hoo ha for the night and automobiles polluting the atmosphere -- slowly killing us all -- as everyone is on their way to school and/or work.
It seems that we're in a park of some sort as a few people can be seen sitting on blankets in the distance, having picnics. The overheads trees rustle against the winds growing in the autumn cooling. The billowing grass rattles against the mismatched sneakers of the focus of our shot.
Clad in a pair of black UFO pants and a white tank top, we can see the sun gleam on the thin layer of sweat coating the rippled body of the Patriarch of Pretty. The petite youngster's sculpted frame is thrusted forward with his wrists touching together and smoking pouring from his finger tips. The wind drags along the white smoke as he inhales; each movement swaying his wavy champagne locks around his chiseled jaw line.
The quirky lad's brown eye lashes flicker up to reveal his glimmering blue-green eyes. Taking a deep breath, Ripplemagne rears his hands back, separating them from the issuing smoke that began to cloud and drag from his finger tips. Winding them back to his side, he arches his fingers toward one another like he's holding a ball to his hip.
Ripplemagne:
"KA... ME... HA--"
Miss Sarah:
"What are you doing?"
The soft, feminine Australian accent fills the King of Heart's ears as he pauses and turns to see his lovely manager, Miss Sarah. The stern toned girl approaches in a blue and white sun dress, reminiscent of Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz. Arching himself up, Ripplemagne turns fully to the girl and thrusts his chin into the air at an angle to make a heroic pose, but the sun glares in his eyes, so he turns to the other side.
Ripplemagne:
"Practicing my kamehameha waves."
Miss Sarah:
"Mmkay. Why?"
Easing out of his pose, Ripplemagne looks over at his manager...
Ripplemagne:
"See, there's this new guy that just signed up with Jew and, like... his application says he can totally throw fireballs, man! Fireballs!"
Miss Sarah:
"Fireballs?"
Ripplemagne:
"They're round orbs of flaming death that can--"
Miss Sarah:
"I know what fireballs are! Are you sure that you didn't misread it like you did with the Lucky Charms box?"
Ripplemagne:
"How was I supposed to know that the 'secret agent glasses' wouldn't really help me get into government offices unnoticed. They should really put a disclaimer on those things!"
Looking from side to side, Ripplemagne fakes a cough and continues...
Ripplemagne:
"Anyway, it's as clear as day. If I'm going to combat that, I'm going to need to perfect my kamehameha waves!"
Miss Sarah:
"Uh... sure thing. Whatever you say. But CJ is looking for you in the trailer."
Ripplemagne:
"I'm not talking to him! He stole my crayons!"
Miss Sarah:
"Now, now, Ripplemagne. You have to share."
Ripplemagne:
"I don't wanna!"
Miss Sarah:
"Would you do it for a Scooby Snack?"
Ripplemagne:
"Scooby Snack?!"
Feigning a long, drawn out pondering, Ripplemagne finally nods his head with a bit of eagerness. At this sight, Miss Sarah sighs and digs into the pocket of her sun dress and pulls out a Micky Mouse shaped cookie of sorts and tosses it to Ripplemagne, who catches it in his mouth and scarfs it down like an Auschwitz Detention Camp captive.
...Was that in bad taste? Apologies to those who are offended.
Anyway, one thing that's not in bad taste is clearly the Scooby Snack as Ripplemagne holds his stomach and we hear a series of "mm" sounds from him as he vivaciously shows his delight for the snack and blasts off into the sky like a rocket before merrily floating down like a piece of paper into the arms of some guy with ash blonde hair, a beard, a green shirt and brown pants.
With a look of delight on his face, Ripplemagne finally opens his eyes to see the guy holding him. Jumping out of his arms, Ripplemagne begins to yell at the guy, kicking him in the back side until he's out of focus...
Ripplemagne:
"Who the Hell are you?! Get off of my set, ya crusty hobo!"
In the background we see Miss Sarah shaking her head with her face in her palm as Ripplemagne gallantly strides off, skipping to the trailer. Pulling one of the doors open, Ripplemagne steps through a series of rooms as our camera follows him into the MxM+ "Movie" Trailer.
Finally, we hear a high pitched pre-pubescent voice from the side as Ripplemagne turns to see a small child with mid-length brown hair and delicate features.
CJ Davenport:
"We need to talk. We have a problem."
Ripplemagne:
"Damn it all! Are we out of toilet paper again?! How much toilet paper does that fat bastard need? How is the Ripplemagne supposed to keep his magnificent hiney fresh if that sasquatch keeps hogging all of the fluff stuff?!"
CJ Davenport:
"That's not the problem. Well, it is... but that's not why I need to talk to you."
From the bathroom, we hear Napalm screaming almost bloody murder...
Napalm:
"CJ! You find me some toilet paper yet?!"
CJ Davenport:
"I just hid all the toilet paper before he went in there. I needed to make sure he would be in there a while, so I could talk to you."
Ripplemagne:
"You hitting on me or something? For the last time, the Ripplemagne is not a pedophile! Gawsh!"
CJ Davenport:
"Er.. no. Toby is afraid of clowns."
Ripplemagne:
"Hm... how 'bout mimes?"
CJ Davenport:
"No. Not mimes."
Ripplemagne:
"Yahtzee. Problem solved. All we do is tell Grand Canyon crack that the Jokers Wild are mimes. Bad mimes. Horrendous mimes. Like... so bad that even that kid from that Suite Life of Zack and Cody show that you watch would tell them to can it."
CJ Davenport:
"Not gonna work. He already knows, but I have a plan."
Ripplemagne:
"We will not sacrifice Ronald McDonald on the trailer! Last time we had a sacrifice on the trailer, it took weeks to get the white face paint out of the carpet!"
CJ Davenport:
"No! We convince Toby that he is a zombie!"
Ripplemagne:
"A zombie?"
CJ Davenport:
"Duh! Zombies are immune to clown powers."
Ripplemagne:
"I was not aware of this. Mayhap the Ripplemagne should consult with these Dead Nations. By their name, I can only guess that they have some kind of zombie affiliation. Hey! Do you think they boogey to Thriller? I bet they can get busy with some mean zombie dancin'!"
CJ Davenport:
"You need to pay attention more on the playground."
Ripplemagne:
"The Ripplemagne is too busy cruisin' on his shiny big wheel. The wimmenz fiend for the Ripplemagne when he's on his hydraulic tricycle. One of them even gave me her juice pouch!"
As Ripplemagne seems to get too excited about that juice pouch, CJ just kind of stares at him as he straightens out and puts his mature face on...
Ripplemagne:
"Once he's a zombie, will he try to eat me?"
CJ Davenport:
"Maybe. But that was always a possibility."
The scene cuts out with the two brain storming together. What a scary sight it is to see CJ Davenport and Ripplemagne combining their thinkers...
* * *
It's clear that some time has passed as the feed reopens to the bathroom door of the MxM "Movie" Trailer. Behind the door, we can hear a toilet flush and the sink going on. A short few seconds later, the door knob begins to twist as it rocks back to reveal the other half of the GEW World Tag Team Champions, Napalm. There's a look of relief on his face and water dripping from his hands as he takes a step toward the camera.
In that instant, we see Ripplemagne leap into the scene, wearing white face paint with a red nose, red lips and a red afro wig. Leaping up in the air and side to side, Ripplemagne begins to scream...
Ripplemagne:
"Agablagablagablaga boo!"
The fat covered face of Napalm opens up with fear beyond comprehension as he jumps into the air, causing a miniature Earthquake on the trailer when he lands. With his lip quivering and his eyes wide open, his knees come together as he screams and tries to get away from the clown Ripplemagne.
Struggling to get away, his enormous frame begins to knock everything in the bathroom over as he leaps and splats into the bath tub fat first. During this entire ordeal, we hear Ripplemagne cracking up laughing as he walks into the bathroom after Napalm.
Ripplemagne:
"Ahahahahaha! You fat bastard! You really are afraid of clowns!"
Still with a panicked look on his face, Napalm sticks his head out from the bathtub...
Napalm:
"How did you know that?!"
Ripplemagne:
"The Lilliputian told me. Fortunately for you, I have a solution to this little dilemma..."
Napalm:
"Y-You do?"
Ripplemagne:
"Of course. Come with the Ripplemagne."
* * *
Ripplemagne:
"It's alive! It's alive!"
Once again, we reopen, but this time... Napalm is laying on a table top in a white singlet with his entire body covered in white paint. The scene is specifically decorated to look like the laboratory of Dr. Frankenstein. There's a distraught look on his face as Karla Love and Valeah finish adding the last layer of paint and powder to his body.
We, now, see Ripplemagne dressed as Dr. Frankenstein while he looks over to see Napalm sigh...
Napalm:
"I don't get it. How is this going to make me not afraid of clowns?"
Ripplemagne:
"You are, of course, aware that zombies are immune to clowns or something, right? Well, dead people have no complexion, so we need to make sure that you are as white as possible."
Napalm:
"But how is dressing like a zombie going to make me a zombie?"
Ripplemagne:
"It's October. We all know that if you dress up as something in October, you become said creature. Something about this girl named Hollow Eve and the full moon. Anyway, if we dress you up as a zombie and give you the special tassel of uh... death... uh... corpse... zombie... necro...philia? Yes! The Special Tassel of Necrophilia, whatever your Halloween costume is makes you become said creature."
Napalm:
"But you didn't give me any tassel."
Ripplemagne:
"Patience! Unlock him."
Giggling to themselves, Valeah and Karla Love unstrap Napalm and let him stand up. Stepping off screen, Ripplemagne returns with a blue cloth of some sort and places it over Napalm's head down to his shoulders. It seems to be a blue bib with a white outline and a red ribbon.
To top it off, Ripplemagne places a blue and white sailor's hat on Napalm and grins to himself. It's evident, at this point, that Ripplemagne had no intention of dressing Napalm up like a zombie, but rather... the Stay Puft Marshmellow Man.
Ripplemagne:
"There. Now, you're a zombie."
Napalm:
"Really?"
Ripplemagne:
"Yep. Now, go sit on the Tang and make him your first victim."
Napalm:
"Okay!"
As Napalm stumbles off stage, thinking he's a zombie, we see Ripplemagne cross his arms with a devious grin. In the background, we can hear them...
The Tang:
"Oh, hey, Toby. What's goi-- Agh! What are you do-- My eye! My eye! My fucking eye!"
Napalm:
"NOM. NOM. NOM."
We see Ripplemagne snicker to himself as he listens to the carnage unfolding; things breaking, falling, getting thrown around... The Tang getting attacked. Life was good.
Ripplemagne:
"Ah. I love being me."
* * *
