Revelations
* * *
All resembled a doctor's office with the bench-counter secured in the center of the room. The white and silver decor completely adorned the room and though it sparkled in its glitter and cleanliness, the lack of diversity in color made it fairly bland.
The porcelain tiles seem to have a fresh coat of bleach over them as they are so polished that they reflect the room above it like a murky mirror. There a counter top with a lucid silver sink mounted at the center and an armada of white cabinets mounted from the ceiling and suspended above.
The gray cushion outstretched over the center bed has a white stream of paper laid out over the top in the archetypal fashion. However, the lack of medical equipment gives way that this isn't a regular doctor's office. But this is easily explained by the posters on a bulletin board in the background that illustrate pressure points and seem to illustrate the nature of what kind of service is performed here. It was a spa.
The door pours open gently as we see a dark skinned beauty float into the room with an exhausted look on her face. Brown-tinged fingers pressed up against the back of her neck with strain in her eyes. By her form, we can tell that she's in shape; moreso than is common for a young lady. But we can't see much besides her actual shape and her legs as she dons a fluffy black robe which adorns her assets in their entirety...
With her jet black hair billowing around her face and her hourglass frame navigating her way into the clinic, we hear a raspy female voice from outside the room...
???:
"The masseuse will be with you shortly. You can disrobe and lie yourself along the bench until he gets here. You can find the towels to your left."
As we, finally, get a view of the girl, it's clear to fans of Global Extreme Wrestling that we are viewing a superstar. One who has held wrestling gold and recently lost the Omega Championship to Tommy Rogue and Arata Tanaka. The bombshell luchadore, Gabriella, smiles and nods to the outside of the room...
Gabriella:
"Thank you."
The young woman's voice, despite her appearance, isn't exactly exotic, but it's soft and rather high in pitch. Almost the ideal woman's voice without an accent. Still, her tongue rolls with her words and she speaks with a shallow persuasion.
As she closes the door behind her, we see the young Mexican superstar sigh and roll her eyes to the door before walking toward the rack of fluffy white towels. Taking one in hand, she touches it to her face and opens her robe, letting it drop to the floor. Unfortunately for us, two black squares with lion's heads on them appear and censor the goodies.
Taking the towel in hand, holds it along her backside and lies her body along the bench top; her breasts mashing against the surface of the bed as the towel covering her backside, which means the censors fade away. Folding her forearms under her chin, she closes her eyes and awaits her masseuse...
The scene blurs out and skips a few minutes to return to Gabriella in the same position, but now the door opens again and closes behind the figure clad in a white coat who steps in. The figure passes by our line of vision too face to see anything, but the white coat...
Masseuse:
"Good afternoon, Miss Gabriella. What seems to be the ailment today?"
There's a professional tone to the man's voice; the tone is reassuring and soothing. It almost affirms his credentials.
Gabriella:
"I'm pretty much just a mess, in general. I need to unwind and recover from the Triple Threat Match I was in."
Masseuse:
"Ah, yes. I saw that match. It's a shame that you lost the belt, but what with the way every champion lost their belt that night, it may have just been a bad night for the champs, y'know? Bad jujus."
Gabriella:
"And, now, I'm going up against Dwight Mare, who is fresh off of winning the International title in a rematch for the Commonwealth Cup Contract. I don't know if I'm going to be 100%."
Masseuse:
"That all depends on how we can help you today, doesn't it?"
We see a smile appear on Gabriella's face as her eyes remain closed and her body lies motionless on the bench.
But just as we see that, we see the masseuse step back into the fray and turn to the camera with a devilish look on his face. And the look says everything because it's coated around the porcelain face of the King of Hearts, himself; the magnificent Ripplemagne.
As his champagne hair bounces in a voluminous fashion around his gorgeous facial features, he turns back to the naked Gabriella and begins to rub his hands together...
Almost stalking Gabriella like she's his prey, Ripplemagne walks around to the other side of the bed with the look of a lion on his face. Finally, he is parallel to where he was before and the camera has a shot of him from the from...
Ripplemagne:
"Relax. You're tense."
There's almost a sensuality to his voice as Ripplemagne talks in the same soothing voice as before, but with more of a whisper that echos directly to the ear of Gabriella.
At this point, his hunter-like blue-green eyes see his slender, feminine fingers down to her golden-brown shoulders as he gently digs the tips of his thumbs, index and middle fingers into her trapezius muscles in a circular motion...
Gabriella:
"Mm..."
Ripplemagne:
"You're still tense. Release your bonds and ease into tranquility. Escape..."
The dapper young lad's voice was hypnotic as she coooperated with him as he leaned in with his knee on a perch along the side of the bench. We're too far away to hear what he whispers in her ears but he runs the knife-edge of his thumbs down either side of her spine as her viper-like stance almost prones himself over her.
Using his palms, he runs them up from her lower back and to her shoulders where he rolls his nimple fingers over her neck and up behind her ears gently and through the gaps in her thick body of hair.
Gabriella:
"Wow. You're really good."
Ripplemagne:
"So are you."
There's a clear smirk on his face as he begins to feel her heart race as he begins to manipulate her emotions. There's a quake in her body as she momentarily opens her eyes, but shuts them as he brings his palms and finger tips down her rib cage in a firm coast as though a snow plow were moving along the edges of her body.
We can't tell if the normally eccentric young lad is sincere in his words, but the hypnotic nature of each audible that escapes his lips is in a tone that could make a turkey believe it was a bull.
Caressing her deltoids with one hand, he uses his ring and middle fingers to ride along rhomboideus like the track of an easy roller coaster. Gripping the back of her neck, he begins to run up through the sides of her neck right to the back of her ears and through her hair.
Goosebumps begin to plaster her entire back as the Patriarch of Pretty licks his lips with a cocky grin.
Using his knuckles, he begins to hone in on areas of her back and what would normally be guesswork comes as second nature to the former half of the Tag Team Champions. Like a professional at a game of minesweeper, he finds the knots and cramps in her backs and in seconds eases them away. At this point, we see Gabriella's hands clench the sides of her bench while he rubs his palms up the entire route of her back...
Gabriella:
"What... what are you doing to me?"
There's disbelief in her voice as the young lad's nimple fingers drive into her and send quakes throughout her entire body. She begins to lose control of her muscles as she feels like a paraplegic in Paradise. Tremors run through her as her breath intensifies...
Once again, he whispers into her ear as his voice seems to rattle her even more. And once again, we don't know what the Hell he's saying to her.
Time begins to elapse as he coats her triceps, but shifts over to the spastic young woman's latissimus dorsals, which prompts a soft grunt from her lips as he hits the spot just right...
Spending some time in that general vicinity, Ripplemagne uses one hand to go back to her neck and follow the ripples along the sides of her neck and shoulders. There's a beautiful humming-esque sound that jeers out of Gabriella's lips every so often as Ripplemagne takes to the gluteus medius, holding back a snicker...
A soft moan escapes her lips as he continues to press the issue by running the hand that was previously on her neck through her hair and along the back of her scalp. Bridging the other hand back up along her obliques, he unites both powerful sends of fingers at the center of her back.
Without hesitation or pondering, he brings both down along her obliques again as he firmly caresses through her sides before lifting up and leaving her shaking without his touch...
Loud breaths begin to form from the girl's lips as his hands run from her lats to her abductor magnus. The girl's sweet voice began to crackle and whistle moans as she tries to damper it, but to no avail. Goosebumps and quivering consumes her as her mind begins to wonder off. His hands are inches away from her no-nos; what should she do?
Should she stop him?
Should she tell him no?
But it felt so good. She could literally feel him like he were a fish swimming through her veins and right now he was making way through her thighs, which had so desperately needed attention after all of the abuse they've taken from competition.
What would she do?
She didn't even know this man or what he looked like and yet she could feel her legs opening and the balls of her feet mounting themselves beneath the bench, pressuring herself. She needed her muscles to do something; she was just getting lost in his touch.
But she didn't want to look and see who he was. Interrupting his soft, velvet-like fingers cruising down the backs of her thighs and back up to her obliques was something she was not willing to live with right now. It was hypnotic and she didn't want it to stop.
In her mind, she knew that he could hear her breathing heavy and how it began to pick up in pitch and tempo. It kind of bothered her that her rapid releases of breath were probably turning this random guy on, but even if she wanted to at this point, she couldn't. Her muscles were dead and the only way she could avoid falling into derealization was by pressing the ends of her feet against the bottom of the bench.
To Hell with it.
In her mind, anyone with this kind of talent was worthy of hearing what she was feeling from it. Pressure began to build around her as she tried to clench her teeth and it just became an almost whiny moan. The young lad could look down to see her wishbone expanding more as her legs spread wide and a screech began to flow from the depths of her chest...
And as he began to pick her apart, she felt it overtake her. In an instant, she lost control and a mumbled scream escaped through her sealed lips as she reared her head back, eyes clenched and nails digging into the gray cushion.
We see the zany Ripplemagne step back as Gabriella closes her legs tightly and rolls over onto her side, facing away from our camera view toward Ripplemagne. There's a clear look of intrigue on Ripplemagne's face as he eyes over at her bare chest.
It's clear that, at this point, she opens her eyes as she sits up, facing him and covers her breasts with her arms...
Gabriella:
"Ripplemagne?!"
Ripplemagne:
"Aloha, my golden-brown biscuit of obby and omama! You have a rather intriguing vocal pattern, y'know?"
We see the young woman scramble with a blush soon airing on her face as she realizes what just happened. Speechless, she closes her legs tightly and crosses her arms over her chest...
But before another word could be said, the door wooshes open to show two security guards with night sticks and a middle-aged man with abnormally thick sideburns in his boxers and a tanktop.
Real Masseuse:
"That's the guy! He's the one who mugged me, stole my clothes and locked me in the storage closet!"
Security Agent Numero Uno:
"Come with us, buster. You've got a lot of explaining to do."
The men can't help, but keep their eyes on Gabriella, who just wants to curl up in a ball and die at this point. But attention refocuses when Ripplemagne takes a single bound to the top of the bench, nearly causing Gabriella to fall over. In a bombastic pose, he points over at the trio and speaks in a generic villain voice...
Ripplemagne:
"You'll never take me alive!"
Bracing himself, he rears back and unveils a sinister smirk as he leaps from the top of the counter to the real masseuse...
Ripplemagne:
"El kabong!"
As his feet land on the porcelain floor below, his hand Karate chops the real masseuse, sending him straight to the ground. The two security agents attempt to flank him, but he winds back a right hand and levels the first one with a straight haymaker...
Ripplemagne:
"Falcon... punch!"
Laying out the first one, Ripplemagne does a ballerina spin to avoid the second one tackling him. As he misses Ripplemagne, he slams into the sink from earlier and spins around to try and attack him again. But this time, Ripplemagne lands a low kick that sends the burly man right onto his back.
Ripplemagne:
"Falcon kick!"
Taking the opportunity to pose in the doorway, Ripplemagne looks at the pummeled trio and snickers...
Ripplemagne:
"Show me your moves!"
With a psychopathic cackle, Ripplemagne skips out of the room as we hear him singing "It's Gonna Be Me" by NSYNC through the hallway. In the process, we hear a few people get pushed out of his way and some undefinable sound effects...
Seemingly out of nowhere in the pandemonium, Valeah appears with a fake microphone that she holds to Gabriella's lips...
Valeah:
"Congratulations. You have been selected to win a free iPod Nano. No, wait... that's not right. Line check!"
With that, Andy V. scoots into the room on his moped to whisper something into Valeah's ear before leaving once again. Reaffirming her line, Valeah turns back to Gabriella, who realizes that she must have been in the room the whole time...
Valeah:
"Congratulations. You are on a new reality T.V. show called 'You Just Had A Seething Orgasm On Live Television In Front of Millions Of People'. How do you feel?"
Absolutely stupefied amidst being naked, having her nerves rattled, Ripplemagne coming through the clinic like a hurricane, three pummeled individuals and Valeah's probing, Gabriella just looked at the camera like she was never on T.V....
* * *
And now, for your feature presentation...
* * *
Our shot reopens to what seems to be an empty arena with the camera casting along every possible angle to show that there is no one in the arena, barring a few workers. It's clear that we're in the Ralph Engelstad Arena, where the magic is going to happen on Thursday.
...Ripplemagne...
...The Tang...
...Napalm...
...Shane Tallin...
...Bucky Skyler...
A quintet of some of the most phenomenal superstars in Global Extreme Wrestling, today. Two, of which, are the former Tag Team Champions. Another is the brand new World Heavyweight Champion. And another is the brand new Extreme Chaos Champion. And The Tang? Well... he's Canadian...
He's not a person.
One would thing that such a quintet would be unbeatable in the grand scheme of things, but you'd have to double take the card to see why this would be the biggest match of Ripplemagne's entire wrestling career. Not to mention the biggest of The Tang's G.E.W. career...
...James Magnum...
...Kameron Chase...
...Reese Black...
...Cole McGrath...
...Tony Harrison...
There was little concern for the latter two on that list, but Kameron Chase was a multiple-time World Heavyweight Champion and a Hall of Famer who's been with the company as long as anyone else on the roster. Potentially, everyone.
Then there was James Magnum, who people tried so desperately to prove that he wasn't invincible. And while they proved that, it goes without saying that the need to do so imparts a lot of power in someone. Him being without the title was a monumental occasion because it was such a rare thing.
Not to mention Reese Black, the Omega Champion before Gabriella, who Baby Dogg considered to be perhaps the best superstar on the entire roster.
And even beyond that blanket of a spectacle, there was so much more to this match. We were at the headway of a Civil War; the Battle of Fort Sumter The first of many wars, no doubt.
No doubt, the new World Champion, Shane Tallin, was Robert Anderson of the battle. And without a shadow of a doubt, James Magnum was Pierre Gustave Toutant Beauregard. Though, it's easy to make the association of Shane Tallin as Abraham Lincoln and James Magnum as Robert E. Lee, this is only a culmination of resentment leading to the first battle.
In that battle, the Union had one casualty and the Confederacy had none. But three years, following, we saw the Battle of Gettysburg, the turning point of the American Civil War and the site where the war with the most American casualties would see the Union victorious -- but at the cost of 46,000-51,000 lives.
If one casualty could lead to so many at the climax of a Civil War, the lines being drawn here were much deeper in the sand than anyone could hypothesize.
But if Shane Tallin was the General of the Resistance and James Magnum was the General of Reed's Angels, where did that leave Ripplemagne?
It was him that commanded the wing of Matinée ex Machina and his role in this conflict dated back to the beginning to the rescue of Sarah Warner. Was Ripplemagne another soldier or where did he stand in this whole ordeal?
The ring looked docile and content in the dimly lit arena amidst no one. But every wrestling veteran knew how it sprang to life when thousands of fans were screaming for blood. It was almost a metamorphosis, minus the actual physical transformation.
But the spotlight on the ring illuminates our shot just long enough for us to see what seems to be two men in Spiderman costumes in the ring, staring at one another in aggressive stances...
As one shakes his head, he removes his mask to unveil a coat of brown, curly hair and masculine features. In a fiery, cracking voice... the man speaks...
The Tang:
"Ey! What the Hell?! I was supposed to be Spidertang! You were supposed to be Buckpool! Look! Even Grimace got his costume right!"
The camera pans over to show the ever girthful Napalm, clad in a Blob costume, and scarfing down three donuts at once. Though, to be fair, Napalm tends to wear a very similar attire to the Blob. Nevertheless, the camera shifts back to the duo as jelly runs down the chin of Napalm...
The other Spiderman scratches his head and hesitates for a moment, but then removes his mask as well. Beneath it, we see a spikey brown haired man with a shadow of facial hair coating his entire jaw line.
Bucky Skyler:
"No. You, very specifically, told me that I was Spiderman and that you were Venom when I spoke to you on the phone."
The Tang:
"What the Hell's a phone!? And I said I was Spiderman and you were to be in denim. As in: denim black pants for Buckpool, you stupid Canadian!"
Before Bucky could correct The Tang that he wasn't Canadian and that The Tang, himself, was Canadian, we hear a high pitched, muffled singing voice.
???:
"Spidermagne! Spidermagne! Does whatever a spider can!"
From above, we see another Spiderman come down on a cord, upside down in a typical Spiderman fashion between the two men. This Spiderman goes to grab his mask, but when he lets go of the cord, he drops down out of our shot of The Tang and Bucky Skyler.
Springing to his feet abruptly, the Spiderman removes his mask to reveal his champagne hair and porcelain baby face. In an instant, he goes into a statue-esque pose and begins to make a speech...
Ripplemagne:
"To protect the world from devastation! To unite all people wi--"
The Tang:
"Are you fucking serious?!"
We see Bucky Skyler trying to hold back a burst of laughter as a vein begins to bulge in the head of Chris Winters...
Ripplemagne:
"Dewd. What's with this dopplegang-banging business?"
The Tang:
"You know very well what the fucking problem is! You completely undermined the entire schematic I laid out! I spent days working on this! Why are you not dressed as Iron Magne or Ghost Ripper?!"
Ripplemagne:
"First of all, because Iron Man loves the cock in a rather Elton John-esque fashion. And second, because you told me that you were going to be Tangerine and that I should be Spidermagne."
The Tang:
"I said I was eating a tangerine and that I was going to be Spidertang."
Bucky Skyler:
"Sorry to interject, but, dude, that's a lie."
The Tang:
"Your mother's a lie! And as far as who's supposed to be Buckpo--
...What. In. The. Blue. Hell. Are. You. Doing?"
The camera turns to where Tang turns his attention in the background. There, we see a red haired, black clothed man walk in with none other than the G.E.W. World Heavyweight Championship Title over his shoulder...
Shane Tallin:
"Like I told you on the phone for an hour straight, I'm not dressing up like the Punisher to do an edition of Your Feature Presentation."
The Tang:
"Shane, don't be a Billy."
Ripplemagne:
"I thought that the Ripplemagne was the one stealing the goat?"
Bucky Skyler:
"Oh! Can we steal some animals from the petting zoo?! I always wanted my own duck."
Ripplemagne:
"You too?! I've found my soul mate!"
Shane Tallin:
"Seriously, I have things to do. If we're going to do this, let's get it on with already..."
Napalm:
"Oop. That was a wet one."
Everyone turns back to Napalm, who glances up and makes an awkward gesture...
Napalm:
"I'll... handle that later."
As they turn back, The Tang takes the silence as an opportunity to respond to Shane...
The Tang:
"Writing in your diary about how the black autumn sky burns crescents of crimson blood and how small you feel when looking up at the stars doesn't count as 'stuff to do', My Chemical Romance."
Ripplemagne:
"oburn."
The Tang hams up the snickering of Ripplemagne and Bucky Skyler, but Shane puts on the 'we are not amused' look.
Shane Tallin:
"And trying to piss off your team mates isn't exactly a good strategy. How about you save the jokes. I'm not interested, nor do I care."
As Shane speaks, we see Ripplemagne mocking him behind his back with staunchy body expressions and his nose in the air. When he finishes, he turns to Ripplemagne, who nonchalantly whistles and looks around like he wasn't doing anything...
The Tang:
"Well, you should! I put a lot of time, effort, sweat, blood and hard work into this Punisher outfit for you!"
As if he pulled it out of an air pocket, The Tang pulls out a raggedy costume, which seems to be made from dish towels and thumb tacks. As he does this, Ripplemagne takes his index finger and thumb to his chin, thinking to himself...
Ripplemagne:
"Hm..."
Bucky Skyler:
"What's up, Ripples?"
Ripplemagne:
"Oh, don't mind me. I was just thinking how Shane Tallin reminds me of Shadow the Hedgehog."
Arching his brown, Shane Tallin looks at all three men who have looks on their faces as if they're waiting for him to crack a smirk. Instead...
Shane Tallin:
"...Who's Shadow the Hedgehog?"
Gasps are heard from all three men as Ripplemagne and The Tang both shout 'Shenanigans' at the top of their lungs. To follow, The Tang and Bucky Skyler each grab an arm of Shane who feels uncomfortable with the touching and tries to pull away. The two play tug-o-war with his arms, shouting at him: 'you're deprived', 'Sonic, dude', 'Shadow the Hedgehog, dude', and so on and so forth, but everything gets quiet as Ripplemagne screams so loud that it echos throughout the arena...
Ripplemagne:
"DAMN FOURTH CHAOS EMERALD!"
Everyone goes stoic as Ripplemagne looks around and tucks his neck into his shoulders, shutting up. There's a moment of quiet until The Tang points at Shane Tallin and screams...
The Tang:
"Holy shit! It's Criss Angel!"
We see Shane Tallin take a step back, putting his hands up as everyone looks behind him, prompting him to follow their vision. When he turns, he sees that a distant television is playing Criss Angel's Mind Freak.
Bucky Skyler:
"...They've got a point, though, Shane. Have you ever laughed at anything in your life?"
Ripplemagne:
"Ahahahaha. We know the answer to that one is a resounding 'no'. Shane-o-mac over here could watch an entire episode of Family Guy and the only emotion he'd feel is sadness because everyone makes fun of Meg and she's a social outcast."
The Tang:
"Shane-o-mac? Why does that sound familiar?"
We see Ripplemagne shrug his shoulders as the two fail to come up with an answer to the obvious cultural reference of Shane McMahon.
Bucky Skyler:
"Face facts, Shane. You're a sour puss."
Shane Tallin:
"I've laughed. I mean, I loved George Carlin. And Zach Galifianakis is pretty funny. Also, Mitch Hedberg isn't too bad. And I'll admit -- even though he seems mentally retarded, Dane Cook is alright on occasion."
Ripplemagne:
"Ahem. Why was the Ripplemagne not mentioned in that list? The Ripplemagne demands to be added to Shane Tallin's Meager List of People Who Make Him Not Emo!"
Shane Tallin:
"Maybe once you do something funny..."
An audible gasp sounds from Ripplemagne as Bucky Skyler and The Tang giggle to themselves.
Ripplemagne:
"Oh... oh! My feelings! The ultra sexy Ripplemagne is getting comedy back-up! And not in the same way as the April Fool! I... I think I'm getting the mumps! What day is it?! I don't know what day it is! The world is spinning!"
Pretending to faint, everyone looks over as Shane Tallin looks over at The Tang and Bucky Skyler...
Shane Tallin:
"Right. While Ripp' pursues that ever elusive emmy, can we do this now?"
Kipping up to his feet, Ripplemagne faces our feed with an upright stance and seemingly sparkling white teeth. It's as though he's doing an advertisement as he speaks directly into the camera...
Ripplemagne:
"Stop. Collaborate and listen. Resistance is back for a brand new edition... of Your Feature Presentation. Wimmenz and other esteemed viewers of the Patriarch of Pretty's brain child, behold! For we have a very special edition of Your Feature Presentation! You may be wondering why, but to this, I point to the gentlemen behind me!
Along with that doughy pretzel-boy outside the ring over there, the magnificent Ripplemagne is being joined this week by The Tang, Bucky Skyler and Shane Ta--"
Shane Tallin:
"Ripp', when the Hell did we start filming!?"
Ripplemagne:
"Why dost thou interrupt the magnificent one's verbalizin'?!"
Spinning around, Ripplemagne sees Shane's bewildered expression and scratches his head...
Ripplemagne:
"Oh, uh... a little while before you got in. As I was sayin--"
Shane Tallin:
"Don't people, usually, go through... like, make up or some bullshit like that? Not that I'm complaining, but a little warning would have been nice."
We see Ripplemagne get aggravated when he's cut off again, but when Shane finishes, Ripplemagne and The Tang seem to crack up laughing.
Ripplemagne:
"Silly Shane! Your Feature Presentation doesn't do takes. The camera is always running and if you happen to do something stupid, it's going on the show.
One time, we filmed The Tang on the toilet and he had to give me his frozen pizza for a month for us to not include it in the show."
The Tang:
"Part of the deal was to never mention it, you asswipe!"
Ripplemagne:
"Speaking of the wiping of asses. Roll it!"
* * *
The scene cuts to the bathroom door of the MxM Movie Trailer, which promptly opens from a hand covered by a red and white sleeve behind the camera. As it swings open, our feed immediately becomes that of The Tang on the toilet.
...But he's not doing a number two, no. The Tang is peeing, sitting down.
The Tang:
"Mage! Get out of the bathroom! I'm draining my pouch!"
The White Mage:
"Je suis désolé, Monsieur Tang! Monsieur Ripplemagne's orders!"
In that instant, Ripplemagne walks in front of the camera in a pair of red pajama bottoms, a white tank top and his hair pushed back. Pointing with exasperation, Ripplemagne shouts...
Ripplemagne:
"...You fallopian tube! Are you peeing sitting down!?"
The room begins to fill up with the members of Ripplemagne's Entourage, who are all beholding The Tang's urination spectacle...
The Tang:
"Yes! Only cause my foot was asleep! My foot was asleeeeee--"
* * *
The shot shifts back to the empty arena where Ripplemagne holds up a picture of the same toilet in that shot filled with orange juice...
Ripplemagne:
"And this is what we found in said porcelain throne after this orange maple leaf got through with it."
With a mortified and disgruntled look on his face, The Tang tries to flip it on Ripplemagne...
The Tang:
"You actually went back in to take a picture of it? You... didn't... drink any of it... did you...?"
Ripplemagne:
"Was... was it... was it toxic?"
The Tang:
"...Well, let's just say that the laxatives CJ tried to screw me with leaked through and out that end instead."
Ripplemagne:
"I knew it was a bit more coacoa-y than usual. Anyway! I must sa--"
The Tang:
"Goodness gracious! Great balls of tangy goodness! A shocking revelation!"
Bucky Skyler:
"Great balls of tangy goodness? Are you coming onto me or something?"
Ripplemagne:
"...You... you... I-I... I was going to say that! You stole my line!"
The Tang:
"Shane Tallin is from Canadia! I'm not the only canuck on Your Feature Presentation anymore! Your Feature Presentation has gone Canadian, eh?!"
Ripplemagne:
"Enough of these shenanigans!"
The Tang:
"Canadian shenanigans!"
Ripplemagne:
"I have gathered you all here to discuss our diabolical plan--"
The Tang:
"A Canadian plan!"
Ripplemagne:
"Let me get to the punchline! You're going to give the Ripplemagne legit comedy back up! Gawsh!"
The Tang:
"Canadian gawsh!"
Ripplemagne:
"You know, Bucko. You and the Ripplemagne could make an effective man-duo. We could be like a manly Laverne and Shirley!"
The Tang:
"A Canadian Laverne and Shirley!"
In the background, Shane Tallin is facepalming as Bucky Skyler begins to ponder...
Ripplemagne:
"Think about it, Buckingham Palace! The wimmenz will screech for our peens like that annoying little crow squawking outside the Ripplemagne's window in the morning -- no matter what fucking state or country we're in."
The Tang:
"Canadian crows!"
Bucky Skyler:
"Hm..."
Ripplemagne:
"The wimmenz, mon ami! Think about the sheer magnitude of wimmenz!"
The Tang:
"Canadian wimmenz!"
Ripplemagne:
"...Canadia has wimmenz?"
The Tang:
"...C-Canadian wimmen."
We hear Ripplemagne clear his throat while glaring at The Tang, who bows his head with shame...
The Tang:
"...Canadian men."
Shane Tallin:
"Why exactly are we here?"
Ripplemagne:
"Oh. The Ripplemagne almost forgot."
Shane Tallin:
"Forgot what?"
Leaning back against the ropes and reclining, Ripplemagne waves his hands around as he begins to speak...
Ripplemagne:
"You see, earlier this week... the splendorous Suicide King spoke to Brookeback Magnum."
The Tang:
"Who's the Suicide King? New member of Jokers Mild?"
It seems Ripplemagne ignores his womb-to-tomb as Shane Tallin waits for him to continue with a face that seems to speak and it says 'And?'
Ripplemagne:
"Predictably, he rambled on about how he had a purpose and how he stood for something. How the Envoy of Destruction fights for nothing more than greed."
Shane Tallin:
"Greed? Shit, I didn't know fighting to keep the sport in the fans' hands was in my favor."
Ripplemagne:
"Which brings me to the focus here. What makes you think that Reed's Angels are taking the sport away from the fans? What makes the resistance to Chelsea warranted?"
The Tang and Bucky Skyler watch, quietly, with interested looks on their faces. In the center of the ring that they'd all align in on Thursday, two of their team mates -- both leaders in their own right -- seemed to be bordering the lines of conflict.
Shane Tallin:
"She's taking the sport out of everything. Trying to focus her group in the center of everything. She's acting like a selfish, little child more than anything. In a few years, do you want to have a chance, Ripp', to be the world champion? If she has her way, anyone not bowing down in front of her won't get a chance. The pride and glory is reserved for her men."
Ripplemagne:
"It's interesting that you say that because Magdeline had the same thing to say about you and Sister Warner. According to him, you want me to fail. Want Tang to fail. Want Napalm to fail. So, who should I believe? You, Shane?
What's to stop you from turning on me like you did Maggie? Looking at your track record, Shane... I can't exactly conclude that you can say that you won't break your word or balls for anyone."
What did Ripplemagne seek to gain with this diatribe? Was he drawing a line in the sand to stand on it in the semblance of neutrality? Or was he testing Shane? Or...
Shane Tallin:
"I never said anyone should trust me. But what makes me worth it more than James is that I'm willing to admit that I've done wrong. I'm not proud about what happened to Maria. I'm not proud about the Hell I put Troy through."
It's clear that Shane's heart is wrenching in his chest as he takes a deep breath and regretfully puts his head down, thinking to himself. If only we could read minds, we'd see a void of emotions. But if we could do that, we'd have to see what Ripplemagne and Tang are thinking and that's a nightmare, in of itself.
Contrary to that, though, Ripplemagne lets out a titter while looking up to the ceiling of the arena. After a moment, he looks back at Shane...
Ripplemagne:
"You know, you and Maggie aren't that different. You both try to justify your animosity toward one another with the same banter. In both of your minds, you think that you've taken responsibility or justified all of your actions. Yet you both think the inverse of one another.
Tell me, what misdeeds do you believe Magdeline has committed?"
Shane Tallin:
"Look around, Ripp'. Because of him, one of your own friends is down and out; injured. All so he could remain the World Champion. If anything, his biggest crime is being a fucking hypocrite."
It's like a game to Ripplemagne as he leans back, practically snickering to himself as he continues to build a wall in front of Shane's beliefs. But for Shane, this was Ripplemagne falling... sinking... and, while doing so, sending him on an emotional roller coaster. It wouldn't take long to dig into Global Extreme Wrestling archives and witness the atrocities committed by Shane Tallin.
It was, ironically, Ripplemagne's debut to the company with The Tang where Shane Tallin faced off against and defeated Troy Gafgen in a Barbed Wire Deathmatch; a match so gruesome that Shane would wear a tapestry of tape around his arm where his bicep tore in the match as a reminder.
Ripplemagne:
"Do you really believe it's so bad for him to purge role models he deems damaging to his children in his occupation of choice? Sister Warner is, afterall, an anarchist and--"
Shane Tallin:
"Then he might as well just eliminate us all. Children are supposed to model themselves after us? We all fucking beat the shit out of each other with chairs and ladders. If he doesn't like people setting a bad image for his children, maybe he should lead by example before he tries to be a saint."
Ripplemagne:
"It sounds, to me, like you're making excuses to lead a crusade. Perhaps this is about glory, fame and avarice for the Envoy of Destruction."
Shane Tallin:
"And what about you, Ripp'? You seemed pretty damn ready to jump in. Before you start to point fingers and question the motivations of others, what's your reason?"
There's a bit of indignation coming from the chest of Shane out of his lips and to Ripplemagne's ears. It was like Ripplemagne was better at stringing James Magnum's argument together better than James Magnum, himself. Or at least, to Shane Tallin, it felt that way.
Ripplemagne:
"Hahaha. You're cute, Shane. I think, deep down, you know that your surface is getting cut away here.
But if you have to stone wall... maybe my motivations were subconsciously based in greed. Perhaps, like you, I wanted my name to be glorified in a shindig of epic proportions. You know, faction wars tend to immortalize those involved.
Or maybe I acted out of naivete. Out of the eight years Global Extreme Wrestling has been around, I've only been in nine matches. Maybe I acted out of the desire of the fans, but the whole world can think that two plus two equals five. That doesn't make it so.
Whichever it is, does it matter? Fact of the matter is that Maggie forced me to think and, now, I'm asking you."
There's a bit of a snarl on Shane's face as you can hear the feeling of betrayal in his voice. There's a quiver and ball in his throat as he begins to speak with emotion to Ripplemagne's cocky attitude.
Shane Tallin:
"Then think all you want. But if you need to think about where you stand in this, then I don't need your help. Maybe you should join Reed's side afterall, take the safer route. I don't need someone who doesn't even know what war they want to fight."
Ripplemagne:
"Look at you. You're leading a war and you don't even know what you're fighting for. You're so convinced that Chelsea Reed and her goons are evil that you're actually admonishing thinking about something. Battle lines can be identified when one of the commanders begins to discourage free thought."
Shane Tallin:
"Ripp', I know what I'm fighting for. What reason do you have to think otherwise? Reed is trying to make this company a dictatorship of sorts. She managed to get both Mark Chapman and Sal taken out because her boys couldn't handle them. I'm fighting to make sure that the future of this company, actually, has a hope. So don't you dare say that I don't know what the fuck I'm fighting for. And I'm not discouraging free thought; I'm questioning your loyalty. If you need to think: do you even know what you want?"
Ripplemagne:
"You're questioning my loyalty? I'll make it very clear for you: I'm loyal to what is earnest. My loyalties lie in the truth and my sword isn't going to be drawn into a war where the head honcho can only talk about how evil the other side is without being able to justify it.
M. Chaps? Is it so cut and dry to assume that he was taken out because Reed's Angels couldn't handle him? Are you so certain that it had nothing to do with a personal beef between Kameron Chase and himself? Familia. You know... that thing you should mind your business when it comes to such?
We've already discussed Sister Warner. But you can demonize Reed's Angels every day of the week and scream it from the roof tops, but if you can't validate your crusade with clear reasoning, then you're in the wrong!"
Licking his lips, Ripplemagne rises from the ropes and strolls over the center of the ring, where his comrades for the week are situated.
Shane Tallin:
"Sure, Chapman -- he could have been a casualty of a personal family problem. But where do they get off thinking that their own little family issues should carry any weight here? Just because they don't like someone or because they think they are an unfit role model gives them no right to prevent others from doing their job. As far as I'm concerned, they have no right for eliminating anyone. Personal beef should not decide who gets to go home with a pay cheque at the end of the night."
Ripplemagne:
"Oh, really? So, then... what's this war all about? How do you intend on crumbling Reed's Angels? You gonna just... wish them away? If you intend to actually win this war, it's going to involve 'eliminating' quite a few people.
Fact of the matter is that this is wrestling. Everyone tries to eliminate those who they believe degrade the business."
There's a pause as Ripplemagne looks the World Champion in the eyes and sees him thinking. Everyone watches on and even Napalm stops chomping on his donuts to watch the chaos. Finally, Shane narrows his eyes and responds...
Shane Tallin:
"Who ever said I planned on eliminating them?"
Ripplemagne:
"So, then, how do you plan on winning this war, Mr. Nobility? They're not going to just go away on their own."
Shane Tallin:
"Ripp', I'm not about to say it on camera. If you want to know, I'll be happy to divulge my plan... in private. I'm not just going to say it here, so they see it coming."
Ripplemagne:
"You're as warped as 'Saint' Magnum."
Obviously irritated by this statement, Shane takes a step forward to meet Ripplemagne in the center of the ring. Face to face, they begin to eye each other down while their allies are standby, waiting for it to boil over. We can see Ripplemagne mouth the words 'Saint Tallin' to Shane's face as the World Champion just flares his nostrils and gazes into the eyes of a new potential enemy to the Resistance.
Chest to chest, the leader of MxM and the leader of the Resistance are at a stand still. Could this mean Ripplemagne breaking away from the Resistance? Or worse... joining Reed's Angels?
Fin.
* * *
All resembled a doctor's office with the bench-counter secured in the center of the room. The white and silver decor completely adorned the room and though it sparkled in its glitter and cleanliness, the lack of diversity in color made it fairly bland.
The porcelain tiles seem to have a fresh coat of bleach over them as they are so polished that they reflect the room above it like a murky mirror. There a counter top with a lucid silver sink mounted at the center and an armada of white cabinets mounted from the ceiling and suspended above.
The gray cushion outstretched over the center bed has a white stream of paper laid out over the top in the archetypal fashion. However, the lack of medical equipment gives way that this isn't a regular doctor's office. But this is easily explained by the posters on a bulletin board in the background that illustrate pressure points and seem to illustrate the nature of what kind of service is performed here. It was a spa.
The door pours open gently as we see a dark skinned beauty float into the room with an exhausted look on her face. Brown-tinged fingers pressed up against the back of her neck with strain in her eyes. By her form, we can tell that she's in shape; moreso than is common for a young lady. But we can't see much besides her actual shape and her legs as she dons a fluffy black robe which adorns her assets in their entirety...
With her jet black hair billowing around her face and her hourglass frame navigating her way into the clinic, we hear a raspy female voice from outside the room...
???:
"The masseuse will be with you shortly. You can disrobe and lie yourself along the bench until he gets here. You can find the towels to your left."
As we, finally, get a view of the girl, it's clear to fans of Global Extreme Wrestling that we are viewing a superstar. One who has held wrestling gold and recently lost the Omega Championship to Tommy Rogue and Arata Tanaka. The bombshell luchadore, Gabriella, smiles and nods to the outside of the room...
Gabriella:
"Thank you."
The young woman's voice, despite her appearance, isn't exactly exotic, but it's soft and rather high in pitch. Almost the ideal woman's voice without an accent. Still, her tongue rolls with her words and she speaks with a shallow persuasion.
As she closes the door behind her, we see the young Mexican superstar sigh and roll her eyes to the door before walking toward the rack of fluffy white towels. Taking one in hand, she touches it to her face and opens her robe, letting it drop to the floor. Unfortunately for us, two black squares with lion's heads on them appear and censor the goodies.
Taking the towel in hand, holds it along her backside and lies her body along the bench top; her breasts mashing against the surface of the bed as the towel covering her backside, which means the censors fade away. Folding her forearms under her chin, she closes her eyes and awaits her masseuse...
The scene blurs out and skips a few minutes to return to Gabriella in the same position, but now the door opens again and closes behind the figure clad in a white coat who steps in. The figure passes by our line of vision too face to see anything, but the white coat...
Masseuse:
"Good afternoon, Miss Gabriella. What seems to be the ailment today?"
There's a professional tone to the man's voice; the tone is reassuring and soothing. It almost affirms his credentials.
Gabriella:
"I'm pretty much just a mess, in general. I need to unwind and recover from the Triple Threat Match I was in."
Masseuse:
"Ah, yes. I saw that match. It's a shame that you lost the belt, but what with the way every champion lost their belt that night, it may have just been a bad night for the champs, y'know? Bad jujus."
Gabriella:
"And, now, I'm going up against Dwight Mare, who is fresh off of winning the International title in a rematch for the Commonwealth Cup Contract. I don't know if I'm going to be 100%."
Masseuse:
"That all depends on how we can help you today, doesn't it?"
We see a smile appear on Gabriella's face as her eyes remain closed and her body lies motionless on the bench.
But just as we see that, we see the masseuse step back into the fray and turn to the camera with a devilish look on his face. And the look says everything because it's coated around the porcelain face of the King of Hearts, himself; the magnificent Ripplemagne.
As his champagne hair bounces in a voluminous fashion around his gorgeous facial features, he turns back to the naked Gabriella and begins to rub his hands together...
Almost stalking Gabriella like she's his prey, Ripplemagne walks around to the other side of the bed with the look of a lion on his face. Finally, he is parallel to where he was before and the camera has a shot of him from the from...
Ripplemagne:
"Relax. You're tense."
There's almost a sensuality to his voice as Ripplemagne talks in the same soothing voice as before, but with more of a whisper that echos directly to the ear of Gabriella.
At this point, his hunter-like blue-green eyes see his slender, feminine fingers down to her golden-brown shoulders as he gently digs the tips of his thumbs, index and middle fingers into her trapezius muscles in a circular motion...
Gabriella:
"Mm..."
Ripplemagne:
"You're still tense. Release your bonds and ease into tranquility. Escape..."
The dapper young lad's voice was hypnotic as she coooperated with him as he leaned in with his knee on a perch along the side of the bench. We're too far away to hear what he whispers in her ears but he runs the knife-edge of his thumbs down either side of her spine as her viper-like stance almost prones himself over her.
Using his palms, he runs them up from her lower back and to her shoulders where he rolls his nimple fingers over her neck and up behind her ears gently and through the gaps in her thick body of hair.
Gabriella:
"Wow. You're really good."
Ripplemagne:
"So are you."
There's a clear smirk on his face as he begins to feel her heart race as he begins to manipulate her emotions. There's a quake in her body as she momentarily opens her eyes, but shuts them as he brings his palms and finger tips down her rib cage in a firm coast as though a snow plow were moving along the edges of her body.
We can't tell if the normally eccentric young lad is sincere in his words, but the hypnotic nature of each audible that escapes his lips is in a tone that could make a turkey believe it was a bull.
Caressing her deltoids with one hand, he uses his ring and middle fingers to ride along rhomboideus like the track of an easy roller coaster. Gripping the back of her neck, he begins to run up through the sides of her neck right to the back of her ears and through her hair.
Goosebumps begin to plaster her entire back as the Patriarch of Pretty licks his lips with a cocky grin.
Using his knuckles, he begins to hone in on areas of her back and what would normally be guesswork comes as second nature to the former half of the Tag Team Champions. Like a professional at a game of minesweeper, he finds the knots and cramps in her backs and in seconds eases them away. At this point, we see Gabriella's hands clench the sides of her bench while he rubs his palms up the entire route of her back...
Gabriella:
"What... what are you doing to me?"
There's disbelief in her voice as the young lad's nimple fingers drive into her and send quakes throughout her entire body. She begins to lose control of her muscles as she feels like a paraplegic in Paradise. Tremors run through her as her breath intensifies...
Once again, he whispers into her ear as his voice seems to rattle her even more. And once again, we don't know what the Hell he's saying to her.
Time begins to elapse as he coats her triceps, but shifts over to the spastic young woman's latissimus dorsals, which prompts a soft grunt from her lips as he hits the spot just right...
Spending some time in that general vicinity, Ripplemagne uses one hand to go back to her neck and follow the ripples along the sides of her neck and shoulders. There's a beautiful humming-esque sound that jeers out of Gabriella's lips every so often as Ripplemagne takes to the gluteus medius, holding back a snicker...
A soft moan escapes her lips as he continues to press the issue by running the hand that was previously on her neck through her hair and along the back of her scalp. Bridging the other hand back up along her obliques, he unites both powerful sends of fingers at the center of her back.
Without hesitation or pondering, he brings both down along her obliques again as he firmly caresses through her sides before lifting up and leaving her shaking without his touch...
Loud breaths begin to form from the girl's lips as his hands run from her lats to her abductor magnus. The girl's sweet voice began to crackle and whistle moans as she tries to damper it, but to no avail. Goosebumps and quivering consumes her as her mind begins to wonder off. His hands are inches away from her no-nos; what should she do?
Should she stop him?
Should she tell him no?
But it felt so good. She could literally feel him like he were a fish swimming through her veins and right now he was making way through her thighs, which had so desperately needed attention after all of the abuse they've taken from competition.
What would she do?
She didn't even know this man or what he looked like and yet she could feel her legs opening and the balls of her feet mounting themselves beneath the bench, pressuring herself. She needed her muscles to do something; she was just getting lost in his touch.
But she didn't want to look and see who he was. Interrupting his soft, velvet-like fingers cruising down the backs of her thighs and back up to her obliques was something she was not willing to live with right now. It was hypnotic and she didn't want it to stop.
In her mind, she knew that he could hear her breathing heavy and how it began to pick up in pitch and tempo. It kind of bothered her that her rapid releases of breath were probably turning this random guy on, but even if she wanted to at this point, she couldn't. Her muscles were dead and the only way she could avoid falling into derealization was by pressing the ends of her feet against the bottom of the bench.
To Hell with it.
In her mind, anyone with this kind of talent was worthy of hearing what she was feeling from it. Pressure began to build around her as she tried to clench her teeth and it just became an almost whiny moan. The young lad could look down to see her wishbone expanding more as her legs spread wide and a screech began to flow from the depths of her chest...
And as he began to pick her apart, she felt it overtake her. In an instant, she lost control and a mumbled scream escaped through her sealed lips as she reared her head back, eyes clenched and nails digging into the gray cushion.
We see the zany Ripplemagne step back as Gabriella closes her legs tightly and rolls over onto her side, facing away from our camera view toward Ripplemagne. There's a clear look of intrigue on Ripplemagne's face as he eyes over at her bare chest.
It's clear that, at this point, she opens her eyes as she sits up, facing him and covers her breasts with her arms...
Gabriella:
"Ripplemagne?!"
Ripplemagne:
"Aloha, my golden-brown biscuit of obby and omama! You have a rather intriguing vocal pattern, y'know?"
We see the young woman scramble with a blush soon airing on her face as she realizes what just happened. Speechless, she closes her legs tightly and crosses her arms over her chest...
But before another word could be said, the door wooshes open to show two security guards with night sticks and a middle-aged man with abnormally thick sideburns in his boxers and a tanktop.
Real Masseuse:
"That's the guy! He's the one who mugged me, stole my clothes and locked me in the storage closet!"
Security Agent Numero Uno:
"Come with us, buster. You've got a lot of explaining to do."
The men can't help, but keep their eyes on Gabriella, who just wants to curl up in a ball and die at this point. But attention refocuses when Ripplemagne takes a single bound to the top of the bench, nearly causing Gabriella to fall over. In a bombastic pose, he points over at the trio and speaks in a generic villain voice...
Ripplemagne:
"You'll never take me alive!"
Bracing himself, he rears back and unveils a sinister smirk as he leaps from the top of the counter to the real masseuse...
Ripplemagne:
"El kabong!"
As his feet land on the porcelain floor below, his hand Karate chops the real masseuse, sending him straight to the ground. The two security agents attempt to flank him, but he winds back a right hand and levels the first one with a straight haymaker...
Ripplemagne:
"Falcon... punch!"
Laying out the first one, Ripplemagne does a ballerina spin to avoid the second one tackling him. As he misses Ripplemagne, he slams into the sink from earlier and spins around to try and attack him again. But this time, Ripplemagne lands a low kick that sends the burly man right onto his back.
Ripplemagne:
"Falcon kick!"
Taking the opportunity to pose in the doorway, Ripplemagne looks at the pummeled trio and snickers...
Ripplemagne:
"Show me your moves!"
With a psychopathic cackle, Ripplemagne skips out of the room as we hear him singing "It's Gonna Be Me" by NSYNC through the hallway. In the process, we hear a few people get pushed out of his way and some undefinable sound effects...
Seemingly out of nowhere in the pandemonium, Valeah appears with a fake microphone that she holds to Gabriella's lips...
Valeah:
"Congratulations. You have been selected to win a free iPod Nano. No, wait... that's not right. Line check!"
With that, Andy V. scoots into the room on his moped to whisper something into Valeah's ear before leaving once again. Reaffirming her line, Valeah turns back to Gabriella, who realizes that she must have been in the room the whole time...
Valeah:
"Congratulations. You are on a new reality T.V. show called 'You Just Had A Seething Orgasm On Live Television In Front of Millions Of People'. How do you feel?"
Absolutely stupefied amidst being naked, having her nerves rattled, Ripplemagne coming through the clinic like a hurricane, three pummeled individuals and Valeah's probing, Gabriella just looked at the camera like she was never on T.V....
* * *
And now, for your feature presentation...
* * *
Our shot reopens to what seems to be an empty arena with the camera casting along every possible angle to show that there is no one in the arena, barring a few workers. It's clear that we're in the Ralph Engelstad Arena, where the magic is going to happen on Thursday.
...Ripplemagne...
...The Tang...
...Napalm...
...Shane Tallin...
...Bucky Skyler...
A quintet of some of the most phenomenal superstars in Global Extreme Wrestling, today. Two, of which, are the former Tag Team Champions. Another is the brand new World Heavyweight Champion. And another is the brand new Extreme Chaos Champion. And The Tang? Well... he's Canadian...
He's not a person.
One would thing that such a quintet would be unbeatable in the grand scheme of things, but you'd have to double take the card to see why this would be the biggest match of Ripplemagne's entire wrestling career. Not to mention the biggest of The Tang's G.E.W. career...
...James Magnum...
...Kameron Chase...
...Reese Black...
...Cole McGrath...
...Tony Harrison...
There was little concern for the latter two on that list, but Kameron Chase was a multiple-time World Heavyweight Champion and a Hall of Famer who's been with the company as long as anyone else on the roster. Potentially, everyone.
Then there was James Magnum, who people tried so desperately to prove that he wasn't invincible. And while they proved that, it goes without saying that the need to do so imparts a lot of power in someone. Him being without the title was a monumental occasion because it was such a rare thing.
Not to mention Reese Black, the Omega Champion before Gabriella, who Baby Dogg considered to be perhaps the best superstar on the entire roster.
And even beyond that blanket of a spectacle, there was so much more to this match. We were at the headway of a Civil War; the Battle of Fort Sumter The first of many wars, no doubt.
No doubt, the new World Champion, Shane Tallin, was Robert Anderson of the battle. And without a shadow of a doubt, James Magnum was Pierre Gustave Toutant Beauregard. Though, it's easy to make the association of Shane Tallin as Abraham Lincoln and James Magnum as Robert E. Lee, this is only a culmination of resentment leading to the first battle.
In that battle, the Union had one casualty and the Confederacy had none. But three years, following, we saw the Battle of Gettysburg, the turning point of the American Civil War and the site where the war with the most American casualties would see the Union victorious -- but at the cost of 46,000-51,000 lives.
If one casualty could lead to so many at the climax of a Civil War, the lines being drawn here were much deeper in the sand than anyone could hypothesize.
But if Shane Tallin was the General of the Resistance and James Magnum was the General of Reed's Angels, where did that leave Ripplemagne?
It was him that commanded the wing of Matinée ex Machina and his role in this conflict dated back to the beginning to the rescue of Sarah Warner. Was Ripplemagne another soldier or where did he stand in this whole ordeal?
The ring looked docile and content in the dimly lit arena amidst no one. But every wrestling veteran knew how it sprang to life when thousands of fans were screaming for blood. It was almost a metamorphosis, minus the actual physical transformation.
But the spotlight on the ring illuminates our shot just long enough for us to see what seems to be two men in Spiderman costumes in the ring, staring at one another in aggressive stances...
As one shakes his head, he removes his mask to unveil a coat of brown, curly hair and masculine features. In a fiery, cracking voice... the man speaks...
The Tang:
"Ey! What the Hell?! I was supposed to be Spidertang! You were supposed to be Buckpool! Look! Even Grimace got his costume right!"
The camera pans over to show the ever girthful Napalm, clad in a Blob costume, and scarfing down three donuts at once. Though, to be fair, Napalm tends to wear a very similar attire to the Blob. Nevertheless, the camera shifts back to the duo as jelly runs down the chin of Napalm...
The other Spiderman scratches his head and hesitates for a moment, but then removes his mask as well. Beneath it, we see a spikey brown haired man with a shadow of facial hair coating his entire jaw line.
Bucky Skyler:
"No. You, very specifically, told me that I was Spiderman and that you were Venom when I spoke to you on the phone."
The Tang:
"What the Hell's a phone!? And I said I was Spiderman and you were to be in denim. As in: denim black pants for Buckpool, you stupid Canadian!"
Before Bucky could correct The Tang that he wasn't Canadian and that The Tang, himself, was Canadian, we hear a high pitched, muffled singing voice.
???:
"Spidermagne! Spidermagne! Does whatever a spider can!"
From above, we see another Spiderman come down on a cord, upside down in a typical Spiderman fashion between the two men. This Spiderman goes to grab his mask, but when he lets go of the cord, he drops down out of our shot of The Tang and Bucky Skyler.
Springing to his feet abruptly, the Spiderman removes his mask to reveal his champagne hair and porcelain baby face. In an instant, he goes into a statue-esque pose and begins to make a speech...
Ripplemagne:
"To protect the world from devastation! To unite all people wi--"
The Tang:
"Are you fucking serious?!"
We see Bucky Skyler trying to hold back a burst of laughter as a vein begins to bulge in the head of Chris Winters...
Ripplemagne:
"Dewd. What's with this dopplegang-banging business?"
The Tang:
"You know very well what the fucking problem is! You completely undermined the entire schematic I laid out! I spent days working on this! Why are you not dressed as Iron Magne or Ghost Ripper?!"
Ripplemagne:
"First of all, because Iron Man loves the cock in a rather Elton John-esque fashion. And second, because you told me that you were going to be Tangerine and that I should be Spidermagne."
The Tang:
"I said I was eating a tangerine and that I was going to be Spidertang."
Bucky Skyler:
"Sorry to interject, but, dude, that's a lie."
The Tang:
"Your mother's a lie! And as far as who's supposed to be Buckpo--
...What. In. The. Blue. Hell. Are. You. Doing?"
The camera turns to where Tang turns his attention in the background. There, we see a red haired, black clothed man walk in with none other than the G.E.W. World Heavyweight Championship Title over his shoulder...
Shane Tallin:
"Like I told you on the phone for an hour straight, I'm not dressing up like the Punisher to do an edition of Your Feature Presentation."
The Tang:
"Shane, don't be a Billy."
Ripplemagne:
"I thought that the Ripplemagne was the one stealing the goat?"
Bucky Skyler:
"Oh! Can we steal some animals from the petting zoo?! I always wanted my own duck."
Ripplemagne:
"You too?! I've found my soul mate!"
Shane Tallin:
"Seriously, I have things to do. If we're going to do this, let's get it on with already..."
Napalm:
"Oop. That was a wet one."
Everyone turns back to Napalm, who glances up and makes an awkward gesture...
Napalm:
"I'll... handle that later."
As they turn back, The Tang takes the silence as an opportunity to respond to Shane...
The Tang:
"Writing in your diary about how the black autumn sky burns crescents of crimson blood and how small you feel when looking up at the stars doesn't count as 'stuff to do', My Chemical Romance."
Ripplemagne:
"oburn."
The Tang hams up the snickering of Ripplemagne and Bucky Skyler, but Shane puts on the 'we are not amused' look.
Shane Tallin:
"And trying to piss off your team mates isn't exactly a good strategy. How about you save the jokes. I'm not interested, nor do I care."
As Shane speaks, we see Ripplemagne mocking him behind his back with staunchy body expressions and his nose in the air. When he finishes, he turns to Ripplemagne, who nonchalantly whistles and looks around like he wasn't doing anything...
The Tang:
"Well, you should! I put a lot of time, effort, sweat, blood and hard work into this Punisher outfit for you!"
As if he pulled it out of an air pocket, The Tang pulls out a raggedy costume, which seems to be made from dish towels and thumb tacks. As he does this, Ripplemagne takes his index finger and thumb to his chin, thinking to himself...
Ripplemagne:
"Hm..."
Bucky Skyler:
"What's up, Ripples?"
Ripplemagne:
"Oh, don't mind me. I was just thinking how Shane Tallin reminds me of Shadow the Hedgehog."
Arching his brown, Shane Tallin looks at all three men who have looks on their faces as if they're waiting for him to crack a smirk. Instead...
Shane Tallin:
"...Who's Shadow the Hedgehog?"
Gasps are heard from all three men as Ripplemagne and The Tang both shout 'Shenanigans' at the top of their lungs. To follow, The Tang and Bucky Skyler each grab an arm of Shane who feels uncomfortable with the touching and tries to pull away. The two play tug-o-war with his arms, shouting at him: 'you're deprived', 'Sonic, dude', 'Shadow the Hedgehog, dude', and so on and so forth, but everything gets quiet as Ripplemagne screams so loud that it echos throughout the arena...
Ripplemagne:
"DAMN FOURTH CHAOS EMERALD!"
Everyone goes stoic as Ripplemagne looks around and tucks his neck into his shoulders, shutting up. There's a moment of quiet until The Tang points at Shane Tallin and screams...
The Tang:
"Holy shit! It's Criss Angel!"
We see Shane Tallin take a step back, putting his hands up as everyone looks behind him, prompting him to follow their vision. When he turns, he sees that a distant television is playing Criss Angel's Mind Freak.
Bucky Skyler:
"...They've got a point, though, Shane. Have you ever laughed at anything in your life?"
Ripplemagne:
"Ahahahaha. We know the answer to that one is a resounding 'no'. Shane-o-mac over here could watch an entire episode of Family Guy and the only emotion he'd feel is sadness because everyone makes fun of Meg and she's a social outcast."
The Tang:
"Shane-o-mac? Why does that sound familiar?"
We see Ripplemagne shrug his shoulders as the two fail to come up with an answer to the obvious cultural reference of Shane McMahon.
Bucky Skyler:
"Face facts, Shane. You're a sour puss."
Shane Tallin:
"I've laughed. I mean, I loved George Carlin. And Zach Galifianakis is pretty funny. Also, Mitch Hedberg isn't too bad. And I'll admit -- even though he seems mentally retarded, Dane Cook is alright on occasion."
Ripplemagne:
"Ahem. Why was the Ripplemagne not mentioned in that list? The Ripplemagne demands to be added to Shane Tallin's Meager List of People Who Make Him Not Emo!"
Shane Tallin:
"Maybe once you do something funny..."
An audible gasp sounds from Ripplemagne as Bucky Skyler and The Tang giggle to themselves.
Ripplemagne:
"Oh... oh! My feelings! The ultra sexy Ripplemagne is getting comedy back-up! And not in the same way as the April Fool! I... I think I'm getting the mumps! What day is it?! I don't know what day it is! The world is spinning!"
Pretending to faint, everyone looks over as Shane Tallin looks over at The Tang and Bucky Skyler...
Shane Tallin:
"Right. While Ripp' pursues that ever elusive emmy, can we do this now?"
Kipping up to his feet, Ripplemagne faces our feed with an upright stance and seemingly sparkling white teeth. It's as though he's doing an advertisement as he speaks directly into the camera...
Ripplemagne:
"Stop. Collaborate and listen. Resistance is back for a brand new edition... of Your Feature Presentation. Wimmenz and other esteemed viewers of the Patriarch of Pretty's brain child, behold! For we have a very special edition of Your Feature Presentation! You may be wondering why, but to this, I point to the gentlemen behind me!
Along with that doughy pretzel-boy outside the ring over there, the magnificent Ripplemagne is being joined this week by The Tang, Bucky Skyler and Shane Ta--"
Shane Tallin:
"Ripp', when the Hell did we start filming!?"
Ripplemagne:
"Why dost thou interrupt the magnificent one's verbalizin'?!"
Spinning around, Ripplemagne sees Shane's bewildered expression and scratches his head...
Ripplemagne:
"Oh, uh... a little while before you got in. As I was sayin--"
Shane Tallin:
"Don't people, usually, go through... like, make up or some bullshit like that? Not that I'm complaining, but a little warning would have been nice."
We see Ripplemagne get aggravated when he's cut off again, but when Shane finishes, Ripplemagne and The Tang seem to crack up laughing.
Ripplemagne:
"Silly Shane! Your Feature Presentation doesn't do takes. The camera is always running and if you happen to do something stupid, it's going on the show.
One time, we filmed The Tang on the toilet and he had to give me his frozen pizza for a month for us to not include it in the show."
The Tang:
"Part of the deal was to never mention it, you asswipe!"
Ripplemagne:
"Speaking of the wiping of asses. Roll it!"
* * *
The scene cuts to the bathroom door of the MxM Movie Trailer, which promptly opens from a hand covered by a red and white sleeve behind the camera. As it swings open, our feed immediately becomes that of The Tang on the toilet.
...But he's not doing a number two, no. The Tang is peeing, sitting down.
The Tang:
"Mage! Get out of the bathroom! I'm draining my pouch!"
The White Mage:
"Je suis désolé, Monsieur Tang! Monsieur Ripplemagne's orders!"
In that instant, Ripplemagne walks in front of the camera in a pair of red pajama bottoms, a white tank top and his hair pushed back. Pointing with exasperation, Ripplemagne shouts...
Ripplemagne:
"...You fallopian tube! Are you peeing sitting down!?"
The room begins to fill up with the members of Ripplemagne's Entourage, who are all beholding The Tang's urination spectacle...
The Tang:
"Yes! Only cause my foot was asleep! My foot was asleeeeee--"
* * *
The shot shifts back to the empty arena where Ripplemagne holds up a picture of the same toilet in that shot filled with orange juice...
Ripplemagne:
"And this is what we found in said porcelain throne after this orange maple leaf got through with it."
With a mortified and disgruntled look on his face, The Tang tries to flip it on Ripplemagne...
The Tang:
"You actually went back in to take a picture of it? You... didn't... drink any of it... did you...?"
Ripplemagne:
"Was... was it... was it toxic?"
The Tang:
"...Well, let's just say that the laxatives CJ tried to screw me with leaked through and out that end instead."
Ripplemagne:
"I knew it was a bit more coacoa-y than usual. Anyway! I must sa--"
The Tang:
"Goodness gracious! Great balls of tangy goodness! A shocking revelation!"
Bucky Skyler:
"Great balls of tangy goodness? Are you coming onto me or something?"
Ripplemagne:
"...You... you... I-I... I was going to say that! You stole my line!"
The Tang:
"Shane Tallin is from Canadia! I'm not the only canuck on Your Feature Presentation anymore! Your Feature Presentation has gone Canadian, eh?!"
Ripplemagne:
"Enough of these shenanigans!"
The Tang:
"Canadian shenanigans!"
Ripplemagne:
"I have gathered you all here to discuss our diabolical plan--"
The Tang:
"A Canadian plan!"
Ripplemagne:
"Let me get to the punchline! You're going to give the Ripplemagne legit comedy back up! Gawsh!"
The Tang:
"Canadian gawsh!"
Ripplemagne:
"You know, Bucko. You and the Ripplemagne could make an effective man-duo. We could be like a manly Laverne and Shirley!"
The Tang:
"A Canadian Laverne and Shirley!"
In the background, Shane Tallin is facepalming as Bucky Skyler begins to ponder...
Ripplemagne:
"Think about it, Buckingham Palace! The wimmenz will screech for our peens like that annoying little crow squawking outside the Ripplemagne's window in the morning -- no matter what fucking state or country we're in."
The Tang:
"Canadian crows!"
Bucky Skyler:
"Hm..."
Ripplemagne:
"The wimmenz, mon ami! Think about the sheer magnitude of wimmenz!"
The Tang:
"Canadian wimmenz!"
Ripplemagne:
"...Canadia has wimmenz?"
The Tang:
"...C-Canadian wimmen."
We hear Ripplemagne clear his throat while glaring at The Tang, who bows his head with shame...
The Tang:
"...Canadian men."
Shane Tallin:
"Why exactly are we here?"
Ripplemagne:
"Oh. The Ripplemagne almost forgot."
Shane Tallin:
"Forgot what?"
Leaning back against the ropes and reclining, Ripplemagne waves his hands around as he begins to speak...
Ripplemagne:
"You see, earlier this week... the splendorous Suicide King spoke to Brookeback Magnum."
The Tang:
"Who's the Suicide King? New member of Jokers Mild?"
It seems Ripplemagne ignores his womb-to-tomb as Shane Tallin waits for him to continue with a face that seems to speak and it says 'And?'
Ripplemagne:
"Predictably, he rambled on about how he had a purpose and how he stood for something. How the Envoy of Destruction fights for nothing more than greed."
Shane Tallin:
"Greed? Shit, I didn't know fighting to keep the sport in the fans' hands was in my favor."
Ripplemagne:
"Which brings me to the focus here. What makes you think that Reed's Angels are taking the sport away from the fans? What makes the resistance to Chelsea warranted?"
The Tang and Bucky Skyler watch, quietly, with interested looks on their faces. In the center of the ring that they'd all align in on Thursday, two of their team mates -- both leaders in their own right -- seemed to be bordering the lines of conflict.
Shane Tallin:
"She's taking the sport out of everything. Trying to focus her group in the center of everything. She's acting like a selfish, little child more than anything. In a few years, do you want to have a chance, Ripp', to be the world champion? If she has her way, anyone not bowing down in front of her won't get a chance. The pride and glory is reserved for her men."
Ripplemagne:
"It's interesting that you say that because Magdeline had the same thing to say about you and Sister Warner. According to him, you want me to fail. Want Tang to fail. Want Napalm to fail. So, who should I believe? You, Shane?
What's to stop you from turning on me like you did Maggie? Looking at your track record, Shane... I can't exactly conclude that you can say that you won't break your word or balls for anyone."
What did Ripplemagne seek to gain with this diatribe? Was he drawing a line in the sand to stand on it in the semblance of neutrality? Or was he testing Shane? Or...
Shane Tallin:
"I never said anyone should trust me. But what makes me worth it more than James is that I'm willing to admit that I've done wrong. I'm not proud about what happened to Maria. I'm not proud about the Hell I put Troy through."
It's clear that Shane's heart is wrenching in his chest as he takes a deep breath and regretfully puts his head down, thinking to himself. If only we could read minds, we'd see a void of emotions. But if we could do that, we'd have to see what Ripplemagne and Tang are thinking and that's a nightmare, in of itself.
Contrary to that, though, Ripplemagne lets out a titter while looking up to the ceiling of the arena. After a moment, he looks back at Shane...
Ripplemagne:
"You know, you and Maggie aren't that different. You both try to justify your animosity toward one another with the same banter. In both of your minds, you think that you've taken responsibility or justified all of your actions. Yet you both think the inverse of one another.
Tell me, what misdeeds do you believe Magdeline has committed?"
Shane Tallin:
"Look around, Ripp'. Because of him, one of your own friends is down and out; injured. All so he could remain the World Champion. If anything, his biggest crime is being a fucking hypocrite."
It's like a game to Ripplemagne as he leans back, practically snickering to himself as he continues to build a wall in front of Shane's beliefs. But for Shane, this was Ripplemagne falling... sinking... and, while doing so, sending him on an emotional roller coaster. It wouldn't take long to dig into Global Extreme Wrestling archives and witness the atrocities committed by Shane Tallin.
It was, ironically, Ripplemagne's debut to the company with The Tang where Shane Tallin faced off against and defeated Troy Gafgen in a Barbed Wire Deathmatch; a match so gruesome that Shane would wear a tapestry of tape around his arm where his bicep tore in the match as a reminder.
Ripplemagne:
"Do you really believe it's so bad for him to purge role models he deems damaging to his children in his occupation of choice? Sister Warner is, afterall, an anarchist and--"
Shane Tallin:
"Then he might as well just eliminate us all. Children are supposed to model themselves after us? We all fucking beat the shit out of each other with chairs and ladders. If he doesn't like people setting a bad image for his children, maybe he should lead by example before he tries to be a saint."
Ripplemagne:
"It sounds, to me, like you're making excuses to lead a crusade. Perhaps this is about glory, fame and avarice for the Envoy of Destruction."
Shane Tallin:
"And what about you, Ripp'? You seemed pretty damn ready to jump in. Before you start to point fingers and question the motivations of others, what's your reason?"
There's a bit of indignation coming from the chest of Shane out of his lips and to Ripplemagne's ears. It was like Ripplemagne was better at stringing James Magnum's argument together better than James Magnum, himself. Or at least, to Shane Tallin, it felt that way.
Ripplemagne:
"Hahaha. You're cute, Shane. I think, deep down, you know that your surface is getting cut away here.
But if you have to stone wall... maybe my motivations were subconsciously based in greed. Perhaps, like you, I wanted my name to be glorified in a shindig of epic proportions. You know, faction wars tend to immortalize those involved.
Or maybe I acted out of naivete. Out of the eight years Global Extreme Wrestling has been around, I've only been in nine matches. Maybe I acted out of the desire of the fans, but the whole world can think that two plus two equals five. That doesn't make it so.
Whichever it is, does it matter? Fact of the matter is that Maggie forced me to think and, now, I'm asking you."
There's a bit of a snarl on Shane's face as you can hear the feeling of betrayal in his voice. There's a quiver and ball in his throat as he begins to speak with emotion to Ripplemagne's cocky attitude.
Shane Tallin:
"Then think all you want. But if you need to think about where you stand in this, then I don't need your help. Maybe you should join Reed's side afterall, take the safer route. I don't need someone who doesn't even know what war they want to fight."
Ripplemagne:
"Look at you. You're leading a war and you don't even know what you're fighting for. You're so convinced that Chelsea Reed and her goons are evil that you're actually admonishing thinking about something. Battle lines can be identified when one of the commanders begins to discourage free thought."
Shane Tallin:
"Ripp', I know what I'm fighting for. What reason do you have to think otherwise? Reed is trying to make this company a dictatorship of sorts. She managed to get both Mark Chapman and Sal taken out because her boys couldn't handle them. I'm fighting to make sure that the future of this company, actually, has a hope. So don't you dare say that I don't know what the fuck I'm fighting for. And I'm not discouraging free thought; I'm questioning your loyalty. If you need to think: do you even know what you want?"
Ripplemagne:
"You're questioning my loyalty? I'll make it very clear for you: I'm loyal to what is earnest. My loyalties lie in the truth and my sword isn't going to be drawn into a war where the head honcho can only talk about how evil the other side is without being able to justify it.
M. Chaps? Is it so cut and dry to assume that he was taken out because Reed's Angels couldn't handle him? Are you so certain that it had nothing to do with a personal beef between Kameron Chase and himself? Familia. You know... that thing you should mind your business when it comes to such?
We've already discussed Sister Warner. But you can demonize Reed's Angels every day of the week and scream it from the roof tops, but if you can't validate your crusade with clear reasoning, then you're in the wrong!"
Licking his lips, Ripplemagne rises from the ropes and strolls over the center of the ring, where his comrades for the week are situated.
Shane Tallin:
"Sure, Chapman -- he could have been a casualty of a personal family problem. But where do they get off thinking that their own little family issues should carry any weight here? Just because they don't like someone or because they think they are an unfit role model gives them no right to prevent others from doing their job. As far as I'm concerned, they have no right for eliminating anyone. Personal beef should not decide who gets to go home with a pay cheque at the end of the night."
Ripplemagne:
"Oh, really? So, then... what's this war all about? How do you intend on crumbling Reed's Angels? You gonna just... wish them away? If you intend to actually win this war, it's going to involve 'eliminating' quite a few people.
Fact of the matter is that this is wrestling. Everyone tries to eliminate those who they believe degrade the business."
There's a pause as Ripplemagne looks the World Champion in the eyes and sees him thinking. Everyone watches on and even Napalm stops chomping on his donuts to watch the chaos. Finally, Shane narrows his eyes and responds...
Shane Tallin:
"Who ever said I planned on eliminating them?"
Ripplemagne:
"So, then, how do you plan on winning this war, Mr. Nobility? They're not going to just go away on their own."
Shane Tallin:
"Ripp', I'm not about to say it on camera. If you want to know, I'll be happy to divulge my plan... in private. I'm not just going to say it here, so they see it coming."
Ripplemagne:
"You're as warped as 'Saint' Magnum."
Obviously irritated by this statement, Shane takes a step forward to meet Ripplemagne in the center of the ring. Face to face, they begin to eye each other down while their allies are standby, waiting for it to boil over. We can see Ripplemagne mouth the words 'Saint Tallin' to Shane's face as the World Champion just flares his nostrils and gazes into the eyes of a new potential enemy to the Resistance.
Chest to chest, the leader of MxM and the leader of the Resistance are at a stand still. Could this mean Ripplemagne breaking away from the Resistance? Or worse... joining Reed's Angels?
Fin.
* * *
