Bleeding Heart
* * *
Fact of the Day
Bananas have a very pathetic sex life. Not at all that different from the unfortunate sex life of Eric Handcock.
Yeah, you heard me, Eric. You are a banana!
Word of the Day
Legs
Fuck the definition. Lets go spread the word.
* * *
An echo fills the arena as the fans go wild at the sight of James Magnum cracking a steel chair over Bobby Heart's skull, busting him wide open. The fans start cheering for the babyface, James Magnum, "WE WANT BLOODSHED!" Stomp, stomp, stomp-stomp-stomp. "WE WANT BLOODSHED!" Stomp, stomp, stomp-stomp-stomp.
As the King of Bloodshed strolls over to lift up Bobby Heart, he manages to worm his way out of the ring, clasping the oozing crimson mask plastered over his face. Stumbling over to a wooden table, Bobby Heart struggles to hoist it up with a particular strain of schadenfreude in mind for James Magnum. But before he gets it up, Magnum manages to kick the heartbreaker in the chest and send him flopping over the outside mat to the announce table.
Bobby Heart spins around and goes for a big right hand, but Magnum blocks it and clubs him in the forehead, sending him reeling back over the announce table, where Magnum is able to deliver a fierce knife-edged chop to Heart's chest. Tightly clasping his chest, Bobby Heart rolls into the ring as Magnum pursues him.
* * *
And now, for your feature presentation...
* * *
Ripplemagne:
"My ass hurts."
Welcome to Ripplemagne's 8-Bit "Movie" Trailer. No, this is not celebrity cribs, but for some reason, there is a crib in the bedroom that the scene opens in. It actually looks like someone has slept in it a few times and rather than little duckies that gyrate suspended above, it seems that the toys have been replaced with beef jerky.
Nevermind that weirdness though. It seems we find ourselves in one of the bedrooms of the 8-Bit "Movie" Trailer with two men sitting at the edge of the bed (no homo plz), toying with their joysticks.
...No, bitch. Not those joysticks. They're playing the Xbox 360; interestingly enough, they're hooked on an early version of the recently announced FTW Outrage. I guess FTW superstars get the game early? Anyway, it's clearly a cheap D-Generation X-esque plug.
And to those of you with your mind still in the gutter, Ripplemagne's ass does not hurt because of the ginger chap sitting next to him. They've been playing for awhile and his fanny has fallen asleep from sitting so long.
Clad in a pair of orange UFO pants and a white tanktop, Ripplemagne could pass as an inmate if he weren't such a delicate looking lad. I'd say he'd be someone's girlfriend in jail, but somehow some way, I think Ripplemagne would probably find a way to scare all of the other inmates. Oh, I'm drifting off again. Yeah, insert long detailed description of Ripplemagne's pretty here that I will probably explain about 40 times in future roleplays.
The other fellow was equally as familiar as the Patriarch of Pretty as they both debuted in the same night. Ironically, with the same outlook on their very similar match ups. He had long red hair and a beard that would make Captain Caveman be hatin' like that one fat girl at the club who tries to tear down that smokin' hot ho' who just walked in. Being the emo little faggot that he is, Shane wears all black and has the ill sour puss (lol puss) on his face.
Shane Tallin:
"Can we stop now? I beat you thirty-two times already."
Ripplemagne:
"No, bitch! We're doing thirty-three out of sixty-four!"
Shane Tallin:
"Stop changing the rules! We started off doing only 'one match' and then two out of three!"
Ripplemagne:
"If I can't beat you at Outrage, I have no career!"
Judging by their conversation and Ripplemagne's sheer ineptitude with this game (srsly, bro? You can't even win one damn game?!), it's obvious that Shane Tallin is playing as James Magnum, who is stomping a mudhole in Bobby Heart, who is obviously being played by Ripplemagne.
Five bucks if Magnum reads this, he's going to post in the shoutbox and be all "Ha! I am even great in video games!" Or something of that sort.
In polygon form, Magnum hits the Murdering A Mother Fucker (hilarious name btw) on Bobby Heart and seemingly knocks him out. Quickly, Magnum hooks the leg and as Ripplemagne rapidly and violent mashes the A button to kick out...
One!
...
Two!
...
The referee's hand is mere inches away from three as Ripplemagne chucks his controller at the television set, knocking it over and causing a disaster on the television stand.
Ripplemagne:
"This game sucks!"
Shane Tallin:
"Hey! I was just about to win!"
Ripplemagne:
"You hacked the game. Hacker. Cheater. Blasphemer. Commie."
There's an absolutely stupefied look on Shane Tallin's face as Ripplemagne storms out of the room with a bitter look on his face. Our camera feed follows the quirky lad outside the trailer into the parking lot to join his six cheerleaders, all donning pink and white with their tops containing the words "Believe It" to signify their support for Ripplemagne.
Joining them is the gruff looking young man taken under the King of Hearts' wing, P.K. Sterling.
Ripplemagne:
"Ah, Ness. There you are."
It seems that the attention deficit Ripplemagne has entirely forgotten about his embarrassing defeats against Shane Tallin in FTW Outrage a few short seconds ago upon seeing P.K. Sterling.
P.K. Sterling:
"Ness?"
Ripplemagne:
"Where's Paula, Jeff and Poo? Did y'all niggas astro-sodomize that fat kid yet?"
P.K. Sterling:
"Who? Wha'?"
Ripplemagne:
"Pro tip: The boss of the game is a mother fucking background."
Blinking several times, P.K. Sterling raises a finger as if to speak, but is at a loss of words as Ripplemagne glances at his cheerleaders munching on some finger foods on a nearby table.
Ripplemagne:
"Oi! Hailie, Hailie, Hailie, Hailie, Hailie and Hailie! Stop munchin'! De Magne don't need no lard ass cheerleaders bouncin' they cellulite around the ring and making the Ripplemagne trip from the 10.0 Richter scale rattlin'."
Half of the cheerleaders seemed to frown as one continued eating, ignoring the young man. One of them, presumably Hailie, who was the tallest at 5'7" and had a mane of curly black hair exploding from her beautiful ebony features, stepped forward.
Cheerleader Hailie (?):
"You trippin'. We ain't gonna get fat from finger foods, Rippleman."
Ripplemagne:
"The name is Ripplemagne, you gluttonous philistine!"
P.K. Sterling:
"Wait a minute. You picked six cheerleaders... all named Hailie?"
In that instant, the blonde cheerleader interjected in a bubbly and energetic tone in her voice.
Cheerleader Hailie... 2?:
"Actually, my name is--"
Sharply speaking over the chipper young girl, Ripplemagne glares at her, forcing her silent before she can get her name out.
Ripplemagne:
"But of course. The way the Ripplemagne figures it, he will forget these broads' names three minutes after he learns them anyway, so I figure if they all have one name, then we don't have that problem. And then the King of Hearts doesn't have to worry about howling the wrong name when he's sploogin' they pooges."
P.K. Sterling:
"Clever. But how will you differentiate them?"
Grinning, Ripplemagne bombastically shouts and points to each girl as he introduces them.
Ripplemagne:
"Behold! Jiggaboo Debbie, Fucking Retarded Blonde Debbie, Spic Debbie, Soulless Ginger Debbie, Chink Debbie and Dune Koon Debbie."
Behind the Patriarch of Pretty were standing five very annoyed cheerleaders with their arms crossed, staring a hole in the back of the young man's head. All except the blonde one who seemed oblivious to the world. How ironic.
P.K. Sterling:
"Uh... do you think it's a good idea to be calling them such offensive names? You might offend them."
Ripplemagne:
"Silly Ness! Wimmenz are not people. They don't understand what I'm saying. Right now, they think you and I are discussing international politics. See, wimmenz are kind of like dogs. They understand one word commands and react to them. A few examples being "sandwich", "bend", "blow"... and uh, I think that's the only tricks you can teach them."
P.K. Sterling:
"But wait. I thought their names were Hailie and you were keeping it all one name, so you wouldn't forget?"
Ripplemagne:
"Nonsense. The Ripplemagne forget a name?! Ha!"
There's a pause as Ripplemagne glances at P.K. and scratches his head, observing as P.K. seems to be sweating from his forehead while watching over the abrasive young man's shoulder. Turning around, Ripplemagne sees the five women eying him like the hand of Satan, himself.
P.K. Sterling:
"I think now would be a good time to run."
Ripplemagne:
"Er... right. Who are you again?"
The scene seems to pause over this image as the camera pans back slightly to reveal Ripplemagne's face rise from beneath the camera like the Woodfall Temple from The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask (food for thought: Why is the name of the game "Zelda" when Zelda herself is only in the game for less than a God damn minute?!) over the image of Ripplemagne and P.K. paused on the monitor behind him.
We can't see what he's wearing, but he has that crooked ass smile on his face as he flips his hair and blows a kiss to the camera.
Ripplemagne:
"Believe it, folks!"
* * *
Fact of the Day
Bananas have a very pathetic sex life. Not at all that different from the unfortunate sex life of Eric Handcock.
Yeah, you heard me, Eric. You are a banana!
Word of the Day
Legs
Fuck the definition. Lets go spread the word.
* * *
An echo fills the arena as the fans go wild at the sight of James Magnum cracking a steel chair over Bobby Heart's skull, busting him wide open. The fans start cheering for the babyface, James Magnum, "WE WANT BLOODSHED!" Stomp, stomp, stomp-stomp-stomp. "WE WANT BLOODSHED!" Stomp, stomp, stomp-stomp-stomp.
As the King of Bloodshed strolls over to lift up Bobby Heart, he manages to worm his way out of the ring, clasping the oozing crimson mask plastered over his face. Stumbling over to a wooden table, Bobby Heart struggles to hoist it up with a particular strain of schadenfreude in mind for James Magnum. But before he gets it up, Magnum manages to kick the heartbreaker in the chest and send him flopping over the outside mat to the announce table.
Bobby Heart spins around and goes for a big right hand, but Magnum blocks it and clubs him in the forehead, sending him reeling back over the announce table, where Magnum is able to deliver a fierce knife-edged chop to Heart's chest. Tightly clasping his chest, Bobby Heart rolls into the ring as Magnum pursues him.
* * *
And now, for your feature presentation...
* * *
Ripplemagne:
"My ass hurts."
Welcome to Ripplemagne's 8-Bit "Movie" Trailer. No, this is not celebrity cribs, but for some reason, there is a crib in the bedroom that the scene opens in. It actually looks like someone has slept in it a few times and rather than little duckies that gyrate suspended above, it seems that the toys have been replaced with beef jerky.
Nevermind that weirdness though. It seems we find ourselves in one of the bedrooms of the 8-Bit "Movie" Trailer with two men sitting at the edge of the bed (no homo plz), toying with their joysticks.
...No, bitch. Not those joysticks. They're playing the Xbox 360; interestingly enough, they're hooked on an early version of the recently announced FTW Outrage. I guess FTW superstars get the game early? Anyway, it's clearly a cheap D-Generation X-esque plug.
And to those of you with your mind still in the gutter, Ripplemagne's ass does not hurt because of the ginger chap sitting next to him. They've been playing for awhile and his fanny has fallen asleep from sitting so long.
Clad in a pair of orange UFO pants and a white tanktop, Ripplemagne could pass as an inmate if he weren't such a delicate looking lad. I'd say he'd be someone's girlfriend in jail, but somehow some way, I think Ripplemagne would probably find a way to scare all of the other inmates. Oh, I'm drifting off again. Yeah, insert long detailed description of Ripplemagne's pretty here that I will probably explain about 40 times in future roleplays.
The other fellow was equally as familiar as the Patriarch of Pretty as they both debuted in the same night. Ironically, with the same outlook on their very similar match ups. He had long red hair and a beard that would make Captain Caveman be hatin' like that one fat girl at the club who tries to tear down that smokin' hot ho' who just walked in. Being the emo little faggot that he is, Shane wears all black and has the ill sour puss (lol puss) on his face.
Shane Tallin:
"Can we stop now? I beat you thirty-two times already."
Ripplemagne:
"No, bitch! We're doing thirty-three out of sixty-four!"
Shane Tallin:
"Stop changing the rules! We started off doing only 'one match' and then two out of three!"
Ripplemagne:
"If I can't beat you at Outrage, I have no career!"
Judging by their conversation and Ripplemagne's sheer ineptitude with this game (srsly, bro? You can't even win one damn game?!), it's obvious that Shane Tallin is playing as James Magnum, who is stomping a mudhole in Bobby Heart, who is obviously being played by Ripplemagne.
Five bucks if Magnum reads this, he's going to post in the shoutbox and be all "Ha! I am even great in video games!" Or something of that sort.
In polygon form, Magnum hits the Murdering A Mother Fucker (hilarious name btw) on Bobby Heart and seemingly knocks him out. Quickly, Magnum hooks the leg and as Ripplemagne rapidly and violent mashes the A button to kick out...
One!
...
Two!
...
The referee's hand is mere inches away from three as Ripplemagne chucks his controller at the television set, knocking it over and causing a disaster on the television stand.
Ripplemagne:
"This game sucks!"
Shane Tallin:
"Hey! I was just about to win!"
Ripplemagne:
"You hacked the game. Hacker. Cheater. Blasphemer. Commie."
There's an absolutely stupefied look on Shane Tallin's face as Ripplemagne storms out of the room with a bitter look on his face. Our camera feed follows the quirky lad outside the trailer into the parking lot to join his six cheerleaders, all donning pink and white with their tops containing the words "Believe It" to signify their support for Ripplemagne.
Joining them is the gruff looking young man taken under the King of Hearts' wing, P.K. Sterling.
Ripplemagne:
"Ah, Ness. There you are."
It seems that the attention deficit Ripplemagne has entirely forgotten about his embarrassing defeats against Shane Tallin in FTW Outrage a few short seconds ago upon seeing P.K. Sterling.
P.K. Sterling:
"Ness?"
Ripplemagne:
"Where's Paula, Jeff and Poo? Did y'all niggas astro-sodomize that fat kid yet?"
P.K. Sterling:
"Who? Wha'?"
Ripplemagne:
"Pro tip: The boss of the game is a mother fucking background."
Blinking several times, P.K. Sterling raises a finger as if to speak, but is at a loss of words as Ripplemagne glances at his cheerleaders munching on some finger foods on a nearby table.
Ripplemagne:
"Oi! Hailie, Hailie, Hailie, Hailie, Hailie and Hailie! Stop munchin'! De Magne don't need no lard ass cheerleaders bouncin' they cellulite around the ring and making the Ripplemagne trip from the 10.0 Richter scale rattlin'."
Half of the cheerleaders seemed to frown as one continued eating, ignoring the young man. One of them, presumably Hailie, who was the tallest at 5'7" and had a mane of curly black hair exploding from her beautiful ebony features, stepped forward.
Cheerleader Hailie (?):
"You trippin'. We ain't gonna get fat from finger foods, Rippleman."
Ripplemagne:
"The name is Ripplemagne, you gluttonous philistine!"
P.K. Sterling:
"Wait a minute. You picked six cheerleaders... all named Hailie?"
In that instant, the blonde cheerleader interjected in a bubbly and energetic tone in her voice.
Cheerleader Hailie... 2?:
"Actually, my name is--"
Sharply speaking over the chipper young girl, Ripplemagne glares at her, forcing her silent before she can get her name out.
Ripplemagne:
"But of course. The way the Ripplemagne figures it, he will forget these broads' names three minutes after he learns them anyway, so I figure if they all have one name, then we don't have that problem. And then the King of Hearts doesn't have to worry about howling the wrong name when he's sploogin' they pooges."
P.K. Sterling:
"Clever. But how will you differentiate them?"
Grinning, Ripplemagne bombastically shouts and points to each girl as he introduces them.
Ripplemagne:
"Behold! Jiggaboo Debbie, Fucking Retarded Blonde Debbie, Spic Debbie, Soulless Ginger Debbie, Chink Debbie and Dune Koon Debbie."
Behind the Patriarch of Pretty were standing five very annoyed cheerleaders with their arms crossed, staring a hole in the back of the young man's head. All except the blonde one who seemed oblivious to the world. How ironic.
P.K. Sterling:
"Uh... do you think it's a good idea to be calling them such offensive names? You might offend them."
Ripplemagne:
"Silly Ness! Wimmenz are not people. They don't understand what I'm saying. Right now, they think you and I are discussing international politics. See, wimmenz are kind of like dogs. They understand one word commands and react to them. A few examples being "sandwich", "bend", "blow"... and uh, I think that's the only tricks you can teach them."
P.K. Sterling:
"But wait. I thought their names were Hailie and you were keeping it all one name, so you wouldn't forget?"
Ripplemagne:
"Nonsense. The Ripplemagne forget a name?! Ha!"
There's a pause as Ripplemagne glances at P.K. and scratches his head, observing as P.K. seems to be sweating from his forehead while watching over the abrasive young man's shoulder. Turning around, Ripplemagne sees the five women eying him like the hand of Satan, himself.
P.K. Sterling:
"I think now would be a good time to run."
Ripplemagne:
"Er... right. Who are you again?"
The scene seems to pause over this image as the camera pans back slightly to reveal Ripplemagne's face rise from beneath the camera like the Woodfall Temple from The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask (food for thought: Why is the name of the game "Zelda" when Zelda herself is only in the game for less than a God damn minute?!) over the image of Ripplemagne and P.K. paused on the monitor behind him.
We can't see what he's wearing, but he has that crooked ass smile on his face as he flips his hair and blows a kiss to the camera.
Ripplemagne:
"Believe it, folks!"
* * *
